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Friday, March 23, 2018

Regrets

I was recently asked by someone (via email) if I had any regrets about being in the kind of relationship that Mistress K. and I have.  My answer was instinctive and immediate .... "I have absolutely no regrets about offering my submission to my beloved wife."  Why would I?  I have the distinct honor and privilege of serving, being owned by and worshipping the woman that I love more than any other woman I have loved before.  Our lifestyle has given us the depth of love, respect and closeness we had never experienced before in our time together.

He replied with "Perhaps regret was the wrong word.  Clearly you love, honor, obey and cherish you wife in ways that most men could only hope for."  He went on to ask whether or not there were things in our existence together that I wish were different.  That got me thinking.  Again, my immediate and instinctive answer was no.  I truly do love be the primary source of pleasure in Mistress K.'s life, be it sexually or otherwise.  All of that is true.  But .... (there's always a but, isn't there?) it got me thinking further.  If I had a magic wand, what would I change that isn't already perfect?

Aside from the obviously known/assumed problems that vanilla life does to get in the way of open Dominant/submissive existence like kids, work, school, social obligations, etc.   There are a few things I would like to be able to "tweek" in order to make things better.

First, I'd like to be able to speed up the rate by which Mistress K. continues to evolve in her Dominance.  Over time, Mistress K. has had epiphanies that have allowed her to better be able to fully enjoy the power exchange dynamic we have.  As time goes on, she is more and able to find comfort in the knowledge that when she imposes something, or merely wants something, that she isn't being selfish, mean, cruel or in any way putting me in a position to actually regret being her owned slave husband.  She gets closer and closer each day to the realization that being in servitude to her, even if at that particular moment it isn't something I may not want to do, that I derive genuine pleasure in being subject to her.  If she says we are going a particular movie that I don't want to see, we are going to that movie, and I "will enjoy myself" because being with me "while I am enjoying myself" is something that pleases her.  I go to the movie and even though somewhere below the surface I may not really be liking it, I quickly begin to enjoy myself because I am doing something my Goddess Wife has imposed on me.  Things like that.  

Another example is .... Over the past year or so, one of those epiphanies was the necessity of being consistent with her corrective behavior whenever she is displeased with me for whatever reason.  For us that means spankings.  The spankings I have received over that time have been less frequent but have more severe in terms of redness and stingy sensations on my bare bottom.  In other words, they hurt!  She has come to genuinely know that when she administers a punishment spanking, EVERYTHING in our life together immediately gets better for each of us.  I don't like it when I am being spanked.  But I cherish and so thankful that she gives them to me.  There is just something so beautiful about the post spanking after care that I crave.  Being naked, kneeling before, ass-on-fire-sweating and thanking her with passion for the spanking I just received is an amazing way to assert each of our respective roles that we have committed to each other.  It is an incredible feeling, and even though the pain of a spanking is significant .... I want more.  I want longer.  I want harder and I want to be brought to a level of retribution that will actually bring me to tears.  I am confident that the previously mention evolution that Mistress K. is currently enjoying will ultimately bring us there and as such will become a natural and cherished part of our existence together.  I know, I know, this is one of those be careful what you ask for things to be sure.

Lastly, with my hypothetical magic wand, I would wave it and fix the built in problem that comes from orgasm control/denial and repeated tease and denial.  Tease and denial is an amazingly important part of our life.  It helps "stoke the fire" and allows me to achieve a (nearly) constant state of desire for her, which was the goal in the beginning for me when I first asked her to become my Mistress Wife.  With it though comes the problem of not being able to last very long without the uncontrollable urge to cum.  It is a conundrum, a catch 22.  There are times that Mistress K. wants to be to fucked long, slow, fast, hard.  Those times when she wants to surrender her body and be fucked good and long. Fucked like a wanton slut, even bordering on the edge of being my little sex slave,  To be ravaged and used as an objectified sex object.  To be ...... sorry, I digress.  You get the idea.

In reality, when it has been a few months since my previous orgasm, having this beautiful creature before in a wanton state is almost enough by itself to cause me to come, let alone fucking her like she is begging for.  You may remember in a post a long time ago that I have been actually able to orgasm from merely witnessing Mistress K. orgasm.  By fucking air while she is cumming.  So switching from someone that is truly honored to be merely be allowed to be inside of her, to someone that is expected to treat her like a submissive fuck doll is, well, challenging.  Currently our solution to that problem is the use of a relatively thick walled penis extension and liberal use of numbing spray.  That combination works marvelously, but there is a certain amount of preparation that is necessary which takes away from her ability to demand it in a moments notice.

Because I so very much love to watch Mistress K. orgasm, I have even offered to arrange for an erotic massage for her, with me present, and for her to enjoy as she saw fit .... at the time,  in the throes of whatever passion might exist at the time.  I know ..... it get it, it is a toe in the door of something that could lead to a cuckhold situation.  Although I know to never say never about anything ever, I don't believe the erotic massage will happen because Mistress K. appreciated the offer, but declined.

The email writer went on to ask about what fantasies I or Mistress K. might have, but I was hesitant to go there with him then, and there isn't enough "ink and paper" here to be able to do it justice.

Let me ask you dear friends, what things about your situation would you like to change for the better if you had a magic wand?  Do you have any regrets?  I'd love to know.

Till next time!  Thanks for stopping by.




7 comments:

  1. Hello again dear friend. It's been awhile since I looked at your blog because it seemed like you stopped posting there for a while. Lovely to see you back writing again.

    This is such an interesting post. There are so many ways to go with it. It's admirable (even adorable) how much you obviously adore your Mistress. She is a luck Mistress. The problem of having a hair-trigger is a problem that many FLR couples face. Like your Mistress, most want that occasional good, hard slut-style fucking that sub men can't often give them for the reasons you described above. I suppose that is one reason why many cucks are submissive. Maybe that will be where her evolution eventually takes her? I hope not for your sake because I believe that isn't something you could handle.

    Anyway, it is so good to see you back in the game. I look forward to future, more frequent writings and being able to get a peek into your live with your Mistress again. Welcome back.

    Mistress A.

    p.s. Has she figured out yet that all male submissives should be required to consume all that they ejaculate? I know in the past she hadn't.

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    1. Wow ... Hello Mistress A. So nice to hear from you again. Yeah, I've been here spotty over the last 18 months or so, but I'm feeling my groove again and hope to write a lot, lot more in the coming days.

      I hope you aren't correct in assuming that Mistress K. will ultimately take on a bull lover, to scratch that itch. I don't think she has an interest because she has said as much. I wish I knew how to be able to mostly held on the edge of orgasm one minute, and be able to fuck her for a long time in that same minute.

      Thanks for the warm welcome and kind words. And no, Mistress K. has not changed her mind requiring her sub to consume his ejaculate. That's never been her thing ... and for that I say thank you Mistress K.

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    2. Darling, I hope I am not correct as well because it's clear that seeing your wife with another lover is perhaps too much for you to handle. Perhaps. Only time will tell, but I predict that as you wend your way through your life as a slave husband to your Mistress Wife, whom you clearly adore, you'll find the comfort and strength necessary to truly find joy in seeing your Wife with another man.

      I apologize (again) for broaching the cum eating topic again. You know me though. I am a creature of habit because I believe habits cement behavior, desired behavior or not. My husband is required to always consume his ejaculate not because I enjoy it. Frankly I could take it or leave it. But I require the habit for him because it is something that he always knows will always happen when he begs for release. Sort of puts it a constant perspective for him. It has the same effect/benefit of spanking him every time he deserves it. Not some of the time when he deserves it, but EVERY time he deserves it. Of course it is me that decides when he deserves it, which is very similar to your arrangement with your Mistress it seems.

      Happy Easter darling!

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  2. Mine would me much like your first. Stronger leadership and more of it, with her confidence developing faster.

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to stop by old friend!

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  3. Hi Sub hub, I'm going backwards reading here lol. Interesting questions and I enjoyed reading your answers. I always love reading about the wonderful relationship you and Mistress K enjoy :)

    Orgasm control must be the most difficult aspect. Somehow I can't see Mistress K taking you up on your offer.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz. Thanks as always. Frankly, the only down side I have experienced from orgasm control is what I said in the post. The hair trigger effect. All of the other aspects of it are beneficial, and for me desirable. Like most men in a loving, consensual FLM, I started of being frustrated and whiney about not being able to orgasm like and as often as I wanted to. But that was before the unselfish me realized that being in a constant state of desire for my Wife was far more preferable, which is why when Mistress tells e to cum, I will always beg her to either deny my orgasm, or require that it be a ruined orgasm.

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