Words of Wisdom and a Beautiful Explanation

 

I get messages often from all sorts of people.  Most of them have a preconceived notion of what "all" submissive men, or "all" dominant women, or "all" WLM marriages are all about because they are experts ... because, you know, the internet.  To some (perhaps many), it's not possible for a masculine, alpha man, who is a leader in every aspect of his life, to also be submissive to his wife.  

One of my favorite Femdom Lifestyle bloggers is Vanessa Chaland at a blog called Queening Chairs - Spanking Benches - BDSM.  She's wonderfully insightful, funny intelligent, and by all accounts seems to have the 'No Bullshit' demeanor that makes many powerful women sexy.  If you don't already look at her blog, you should.  It's wonderful.  

I have struggled with the vague, general language used to describe various people and things in the kink world.  All submissives are this way.  All Dominants are that way.  Etcetera.  On January 4th, she published a blog called Submissive "Suffering"...  In it, she very eloquently explained the benefits of a submissive as well as the difference between a submissive and a simp.  It does a wonderful job of cutting through the bullshit and vague generalities when it comes to submissives, especially submissive men.  Give it a look.

The cut-and-paste version is below.  You can check it out directly on her blog here.  Thank you for permission to share Vanessa Chaland.

Thursday, January 4, 2024

Submissive "Suffering"...

    I can think of no other edifice constructed by man as altruistic as a lighthouse. 

They were built only to serve. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Are submissives an edifice? No, not really, not at all. They are living breathing beings with a soul, aspirations, feelings and emotions, not just a cold stonelike building. Yet still, they "serve" others, and with a certain level of benevolence and altruism right? Yes, yes indeed. 

Not everyone has the desire to serve only themselves, their own wants and desires, that "me/me/me" mentality. Not everyone has the urge to focus their lives on materialistic possessions, greed, or tangible items. For many people, the main thing that matters in life is other human beings. For some, obviously, that could be a parent with child, or caring for family, relatives, or the impoverished, the downtrodden, those without a voice. For some, it might be caring for animals and the planet, or a combination of some or all of the above. 

For some, more akin to a hedonistic lifestyle, it's the happiness and well-being of their spouse, their lover, husband, wife, and that would be applicable to those that are straight, gay, bi, tri, trans, whatever. 

It could mean anything from making sure the eggs and hash-browns they make for breakfast for their "other" are perfectly cooked, to wiping away a tear if that person had a bad day, to a massage, cuddles, hugs, big huge bear hugs, to the more intimate aspects, providing pleasure, oral sex, tongue, more tongue, followed up by a side order of...even more tongue. This might include "suffering" from corporal punishment, being teased and denied, in chastity, blue balls, verbal humiliation, being ordered to engage in what some, perhaps most, would consider degrading acts, whatever it is...it's all done to make their "other" happy, which thereby transfers to their own pleasure and happiness as...they desire to serve. Not sure if this is based on nature or nurture, or a combination of both. I doubt this has ever been appropriately studied, and I'm not sure it could be figured out even if it was, but either way, some people are just wired to serve others.  

 Compersion refers to a form of joy, in the joy of others. 

A lot of people conflate "submissive" with being a "simp". For me, they are not at all the same. A simp is a guy who does anything for a woman, any woman, just to seek her attention and perhaps affection. This is no good. It's not good as...she is not necessarily worthy of that attention. Just being woman, just having a hole between your legs, does not automatically mean being deserving...of anything. Vaginas are ubiquitous. Roughly 50% of Earths population are women, meaning a vagina owner, they are not rare. They are everywhere. 

Don't be a simp guys, ever, period. No woman deserves that treatment...at all. You want the woman that you are "submissive" to, to be appreciative of your efforts and devotion. The reciprocal aspect of this, is her not taking your "suffering" for granted. She knows the how and why you are offering it, why you are doing it, it's a heartwarming gesture and for a dominant woman, a sexual thrill, as opposed to just some random woman taking whatever you offer out of a sense of entitlement and then ignoring you for the rest of her life, forgetting you even exist or what it is you did on her behalf. Huge difference. One is not the same as the other. One is uplifting for you, for the sub, as it elevates your sense of worth and value in making her life better, where it is acknowledged and appreciated, adored, the other is the opposite, it devalues you, reduces you to a "lesser" status, taken for granted, and is not understood nor validates your own worth...as a submissive, as man, or as a human being. You want to "suffer" for a woman? Good, good for you. Just make sure she is worthy of that gift.  :) 

A Good Submissive Man is Not Hard to Find...They Just Need Training.

~ Vanessa Chaland 

I hope you enjoyed her wisdom as much as I did.