Don't worry, I won't even try to explain why that is the case, because it defies logic. Suffice it to say that the unmitigated lustful joy and pleasure that comes from being constantly brought to the edge of orgasm the most beautiful female human you have ever seen, and whom you love desperately, and then having her deny you an orgasm, brings me to a place of devotion and obedience and indescribable bliss. I suppose that the biggest reason for this phenomenon is the existing knowledge of the undying lust that lives in your gut going forward. It's what experienced gets you. A direct contrast to the empty, lost and lonely feeling that was always associated with the post orgasm period during the days when I was allowed to orgasm whenever I wanted to.
Last night ............ We were watching news stories that followed the day of inauguration events, cocktails in hand. We marveled at the stark contrast between the words, tone and scope of what was being reported as "news". Oh well, no political rants here .... that's what Facebook is for, right?
Around 10pm, the effects of the vodka were making me sleepy, so I asked permission to go to bed, kissed my Mistress goodnight and slipped naked between the cold sheets. I was asleep in no time. I was awakened from my deep slumber by feeling Mistress K. climb into bed with me. That always brings a smile to my face when I am awakened by feeling her get into bed for two reasons .... First, because I feel a true sense of gratitude and honor that Mistress K. allows me to occupy her bed. (Sidebar: I used to ask permission to enter her bed but don't anymore. I don't know why that is. I need to remember to ask permission every night before I enter her bed). The other reason is the satisfied feeling my soul feels knowing that this creature has chosen me to be in her life. ME! She chose me! How fucking lucky am I?
There is always a few seconds of anticipation between the moment I feel her slide into bed, and when she will invariably kiss me goodnight or otherwise make contact with my body. I am always so excited and honored whenever it is Mistress will enter the bed naked. What an incredible feeling it to press my always naked body to hers.
Back to last night ..... She slide quickly into bed I quickly discovered she was clothed in her pj's. Not sexy pj's. Warm pj's. The small disappointment was quickly replaced by her warm hand lovingly rubbing my naked bottom, while she was nuzzling my neck and whispering loving words into my ear. My moans of delight let her know how much I loved the feeling she was allowing me to have. Soon I was writhing. Raising my ass off the bed, trying to chase the fingers she was teasingly running over my rear hole, and my cock and balls from behind.
After a few minutes of that, I had recalled a recent comment by Mistress K. that there are occasional times that she wished I would not concern myself with obtain permission to engage her sexually, and to just initiate it. She told me that I might be surprised as to how that might turn out. Of course it would depend solely on her mood at that moment, and of course I would be subject to whatever her reaction to an aggressive sexual move on my part would be (I'd be fucking her hard, long and deep .... or I'd be getting spanked for thinking it was my place attempt to force sex on her without permission).
"This is one of those times when she wants to discretely give me control", I thought to myself. So, I rose from the bed to my knees. I pulled the sheets covers off of her and I said "I'm going to fuck you now, and your going to enjoy it!" She grabbed my cock and starting stroking it. I'm thinking to myself .... "YES", I'm about to be able to fuck my beautiful Mistress like the occasional fuck toy she wants to be. When I began to forcibly remove her pj bottoms, she stopped and said "NO!". She continued to lay on her back, legs spread, me naked and kneeling between them, and she resume stroking my cock. She continue stroking my cock for a long time (ok, 5 minutes, but that's a long time when such she is doing it fast and with an obvious intent to move in the direction of an orgasm for (be it actual, ruined, or denied).
After being first brought to the edge, I told her I was going to cum and she said, "no you won't, because you'll be in trouble, but she kept stroking. I was forced with having to decide whether or not it was her way of forcing a ruined orgasm upon me, or her way of testing my resolve to not ejaculate without permission. I chose not to risk the unbelievable pain associated with being punished for ejaculating without permission, and pulled away from her hand. She then said, "when you have recovered a little, you will fuck my hand again", as she held her hand in a semi-fist like state on her pj covered belly. After a minute or so, I put my cock into her hand as if I were guiding it into her luscious pussy, and began humping her hand. While do that, Mistress said that I was to continue fucking her hand to "as close to the very edge that you can get without going over, then you will rest, then you will do it again, and again, and again.
This went on for 30-45 minutes. Toward the end I succumbed to my carnal desires and began to beg Mistress to allow me to cum. Begging and begging. Even though she loves it when I beg, and sometimes begging works, such was not the case last night. I changed my tactic and then began to beg NOT for an orgasm, not even a ruined-orgasm, but rather the less-satisfying sounding "authorized ejaculation". She instructed me to stop fucking her closed hand, looked me in the eye and said, "there will be nothing of the sort for you this night. Do you understand?" "Yes Mistress", I said. She then said "good, now resume fucking my hand"
It was one of those unbelievable, unexplainable deep emotional moments where I feel every ounce of gratitude for my Mistress and for her decision to own me. A short time later she grew tired of indulging me and simply pulled her hand off of my cock while I was humping it, rolled over and informed me that she was tired and was going to sleep. The delicious conflict of absolute peak of sexual desire, accompanied with absolute knowledge that such desire will be unsatisfied was coursing through my body as laid down behind Mistress K. spooned her close, held her tight and tried to drift off to sleep in spite of rock hard and throbbing erection. After about 45 minutes I think is when I was finally able to drift off to sleep, but not before having asked Mistress K. how awesome it must be to be the complete and utter owner of someone else' sex. In her near-sleep state, she smiled, reached back and hugged me and whispered "YES" into her pillow.
As I write this, it's 8am on Saturday and all I can do is wait with great anticipation for Mistress to awaken so that I can deliver her coffee, smell her first-thing-in-the-morning face and remind how much I am devoted to her. How intimate is that?