Saturday, January 21, 2017

Denial is the most intimate form of affection

To a submissive husband in a loving Female Led Marriage, it very well may be.

Replace the words "unlock you" with the words "allow you to", and the above picture is spot on

Don't worry, I won't even try to explain why that is the case, because it defies logic.  Suffice it to say that the unmitigated lustful joy and pleasure that comes from being constantly brought to the edge of orgasm the most beautiful female human you have ever seen, and whom you love desperately, and then having her deny you an orgasm, brings me to a place of devotion and obedience and indescribable bliss.  I suppose that the biggest reason for this phenomenon is the existing knowledge of the undying lust that lives in your gut going forward.  It's what experienced gets you.  A direct contrast to the empty, lost and lonely feeling that was always associated with the post orgasm period during the days when I was allowed to orgasm whenever I wanted to.

Last night  ............  We were watching news stories that followed the day of inauguration events, cocktails in hand.  We marveled at the stark contrast between the words, tone and scope of what was being reported as "news".   Oh well, no political rants here  .... that's what Facebook is for, right? 

Around 10pm, the effects of the vodka were making me sleepy, so I asked permission to go to bed, kissed my Mistress goodnight and slipped naked between the cold sheets.  I was asleep in no time.  I was awakened from my deep slumber by feeling Mistress K. climb into bed with me.  That always brings a smile to my face when I am awakened by feeling her get into bed for two reasons .... First, because I feel a true sense of gratitude and honor that Mistress K. allows me to occupy her bed.  (Sidebar:  I used to ask permission to enter her bed but don't anymore.  I don't know why that is.  I need to remember to ask permission every night before I enter her bed).  The other reason is the satisfied feeling my soul feels knowing that this creature has chosen me to be in her life.  ME!  She chose me!  How fucking lucky am I? 

There is always a few seconds of anticipation between the moment I feel her slide into bed, and when she will invariably kiss me goodnight or otherwise make contact with my body.  I am always so excited and honored whenever it is Mistress will enter the bed naked.  What an incredible feeling it to press my always naked body to hers. 

Back to last night ..... She slide quickly into bed I quickly discovered she was clothed in her pj's.  Not sexy pj's.  Warm pj's.  The small disappointment was quickly replaced by her warm hand lovingly rubbing my naked bottom, while she was  nuzzling my neck and whispering loving words into my ear.  My moans of delight let her know how much I loved the feeling she was allowing me to have.  Soon I was writhing.  Raising my ass off the bed, trying to chase the fingers she was teasingly running over my rear hole, and my cock and balls from behind. 

After a few minutes of that, I had recalled a recent comment by Mistress K. that there are occasional times that she wished I would not concern myself with obtain permission to engage her sexually, and to just initiate it.  She told me that I might be surprised as to how that might turn out.  Of course it would depend solely on her mood at that moment, and of course I would be subject to whatever her reaction to an aggressive sexual move on my part would be (I'd be fucking her hard, long and deep .... or I'd be getting spanked for thinking it was my place attempt to force sex on her without permission).

"This is one of those times when she wants to discretely give me control", I thought to myself.  So, I rose from the bed to my knees.  I pulled the sheets covers off of her and I said "I'm going to fuck you now, and your going to enjoy it!"  She grabbed my cock and starting stroking it.  I'm thinking to myself .... "YES", I'm about to be able to fuck my beautiful Mistress like the occasional fuck toy she wants to be.  When I began to forcibly remove her pj bottoms, she stopped and said "NO!".  She continued to lay on her back, legs spread, me naked and kneeling between them, and she resume stroking my cock.  She continue stroking my cock for a long time  (ok, 5 minutes, but that's a long time when such she is doing it fast and with an obvious intent to move in the direction of an orgasm for (be it actual, ruined, or denied). 

After being first brought to the edge, I told her I was going to cum and she said, "no you won't, because you'll be in trouble, but she kept stroking.  I was forced with having to decide whether or not it was her way of forcing a ruined orgasm upon me, or her way of testing my resolve to not ejaculate without permission.  I chose not to risk the unbelievable pain associated with being punished for ejaculating without permission, and pulled away from her hand.  She then said, "when you have recovered a little, you will fuck my hand again", as she held her hand in a semi-fist like state on her pj covered belly.  After a minute or so, I put my cock into her hand as if I were guiding it into her luscious pussy, and began humping her hand.  While do that, Mistress said that I was to continue fucking her hand to "as close to the very edge that you can get without going over, then you will rest, then you will do it again, and again, and again.

This went on for 30-45 minutes.  Toward the end I succumbed to my carnal desires and began to beg Mistress to allow me to cum.  Begging and begging.  Even though she loves it when I beg, and sometimes begging works, such was not the case last night.  I changed my tactic and then began to beg NOT for an orgasm, not even a ruined-orgasm, but rather the less-satisfying sounding "authorized ejaculation".  She instructed me to stop fucking her closed hand, looked me in the eye and said, "there will be nothing of the sort for you this night.  Do you understand?"  "Yes Mistress", I said.  She then said "good, now resume fucking my hand"

It was one of those unbelievable, unexplainable deep emotional moments where I feel every ounce of gratitude for my Mistress and for her decision to own me.  A short time later she grew tired of indulging me and simply pulled her hand off of my cock while I was humping it,  rolled over and informed me that she was tired and was going to sleep.  The delicious conflict of absolute peak of sexual desire, accompanied with absolute knowledge that such desire will be unsatisfied was coursing through my body as laid down behind Mistress K. spooned her close, held her tight and tried to drift off to sleep in spite of rock hard and throbbing erection. After about 45 minutes I think is when I was finally able to drift off to sleep, but not before having asked Mistress K. how awesome it must be to be the complete and utter owner of someone else' sex.  In her near-sleep state, she smiled, reached back and hugged me and whispered "YES" into her pillow. 

As I write this, it's 8am on Saturday and all I can do is wait with great anticipation for Mistress to awaken so that I can deliver her coffee, smell her first-thing-in-the-morning face and remind how much I am devoted to her.  How intimate is that?

Monday, January 16, 2017


"I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men.  They are far superior and always have been. Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.  If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.  If you give her a house, she will give you a home.  If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.  If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.  She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.  So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit"

-  William Golding, British Novelist

Especially redheads!

Saturday, January 14, 2017


There are things that ramble through the mind of someone like me.  An alpha male that is dominant in every aspect of his life ... except for one, and we all know what that one thing is.  The constant contrast between the two worlds that I exist in is glorious.  I love existing in each and I love "growing" in each.

One of my absolute favorite sexual activities is anal sex, both giving and receiving.  The primal nature is, well ............  RAWR!  I can't fully explain why I enjoy giving anal sex to my wife on the rare occasions that I am allowed to, except to say that it is among the most primal, intimate sexual acts that there is.  The arched back ... the deep sexual desire that is evident on her face ... the delicious struggle between a brief moment of slight pain followed by unbridled lust. When Mistress K. is in the kind of mood necessary for her to have anal sex, holy fuck .... she is an absolute sexual animal and without question there is nothing on this planet more exciting to see and be a part of than that for me.

I can explain why I enjoy receiving it so much (again, on the rare occasions that I am allowed to).  One reason, of course, is that we men have this little button in there called the prostate.  That's easy.  There other is I guess the same feeling that a girl would have being penetrated by someone that she loves very much. 

Long time readers know that Mistress K. and I renewed our original marriage vows on our 15th wedding anniversary and used the occasion to formalize our deeply loving Female Led Marriage .... and it was marvelous.  You can read about by cruising through previous posts if you are interested.  On that evening and since, I had hoped that we would consummate those new vows (our new marriage if you will) in much the same way that a traditional marriage is consummated ..... penetrative sex.  That was just over two years ago until 1 week ago, that penetrative consummation never took place, and when it did, I exhaled, even confessing to Mistress K. that it was the final element that I needed physically and mentally in our existing roles.

I won't go into the real intimate details of how she took me anally, but I will tell you that it was as beautiful a moment as I have experienced in our marriage.  It was love making and it was beautiful. 

As deep and glorious and safe of a level of subspace as I have ever experienced.  She was marvelous.  She was masterful.  She was as beautiful and loving and dominant as I have felt her to be and our love making was glorious that night.  I don't mind admitting that with her, I absolutely do love feeling like a wanton (and wanted) slut, and on this night, it was the pinnacle of that feeling.  Thank you so much Mistress K.  I sincerely do hope that it was a pleasurable enough experience for you to want to do it again.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Perfecting the orgasm

While perusing (OK, perving) some of my favorite sites today, I came across a small little sentence that was uttered on the "Only She Cums" Tumblr site.  If you haven't been on that site .... GO THERE ...  It's hot!  In a recent post, she was asked if she "ruined" him.  She replied with the following, extremely profound and insightful comment:  

I do ruin his orgasms, but I think perfecting them is a better way of looking at it 🌋💋.

This reply got me thinking.  It is absolutely true.  It's not the ruining of an orgasm, it IS the perfecting of an orgasm.  In previous posts, I have mentioned how it seems that a true, full-on orgasm for me has been forever altered.  If, for no other reason it is because I have been conditioned to prefer, ask/beg for denial of a full on orgasm because I have been conditioned to prefer the joy of a constant state of arousal.  After a full-on orgasm, that constant state of arousal takes a backseat and remains there for a couple days at times.

Mistress K. and I never set out to recondition my mind, my spirit, my desires.  It just seemed to work out that way.  I've often spoke of the relative few amount of real orgasms I have/am allowed each year.  In 2016 I was allowed 5 full orgasms.  1 of those was at 12:45 on January 1, 2016.  That one and 2 others were full orgasms that I was ordered to have because Mistress K. demanded that I do so.  One was a misunderstanding wherein I thought Mistress K. told me to cum while I was inside of her (she didn't) and the final full orgasm was one I was given a choice to have if I wanted to.  I did want to, and so I took it. 

One thing is certain .... my full orgasms are in no way shape or form similar to the orgasms I used to have before my glorious FLM.  They just aren't as good or intense as the used to be, and I don't know why that is, other than (I think) my body is learning how not to associate a full orgasm with a decrease in desire for Mistress K.  I can honestly say that the sheer, unmitigated joy and denied sexual pleasure I get from worshipping her body, being allowed to have my cock inside of her, witnessing her having an orgasm, etc., all without being allowed to ejaculate or cum ...... exceeds the pleasure that I get from having a full orgasm.  It is a reality that most people in society can't even fathom but like many others, I am encouraged at what seems to be a growing number of people that understand these and other benefits of a Female Led Relationship!

AS I write this it is in the morning of January 2, 2017.  At this time last year I had already had 1 full on orgasm.  Although Mistress K. blessed me with a incredibly HOT ruined orgasm at 1:45am on January 1, 2017, I do wonder how many full orgasms I will be required/allowed to have in the coming year.   Whether it is non, one or one hundred, I do know that I will continue to live in a state of bliss ..... in submission to my beautiful Wife.

Lastly, I was private messaged by a delightful person on FetLife and was asked what I thought was a good, simple question. 

He asked; "Of all the things that encompass your WLM, what is the one thing (there may also be others) thing that you feel is essential, if all other aspects were unavailable?" 

At first his question didn't make sense so through a series of clarifying follow-up questions, I understood him to wonder what I felt was the single most important ingredient to a successful FLM. 

My answer was:  "her complete control of any and all of my sexual gratification"

There was emphasis on the word "complete".  Before my FLM, I masturbated 4-7 times a week, in the shower, in the morning.  Over time, it had become my default method of sexual gratification, much to the detriment of my wife and marriage.  It wasn't on purpose, it just happened.  Now .... if I were to masturbate without her knowledge and supervision, it would be akin to infidelity, and all the associated bad things that accompany that. 

I couldn't be happier!

Oh wait, before you go .....  I have been begging Mistress to allow me to purchase a Humbler for use in our alone time, be it for play or punishment.  Do you have experience?  What do you think?  The request to allow us to get one coincides with my asking her if she would consider more restraint/bondage/predicament play.  Who knows, maybe it's just a phase.

Happy New Year everyone!