Monday, January 2, 2017

Perfecting the orgasm

While perusing (OK, perving) some of my favorite sites today, I came across a small little sentence that was uttered on the "Only She Cums" Tumblr site.  If you haven't been on that site .... GO THERE ...  It's hot!  In a recent post, she was asked if she "ruined" him.  She replied with the following, extremely profound and insightful comment:  

I do ruin his orgasms, but I think perfecting them is a better way of looking at it 🌋💋.

This reply got me thinking.  It is absolutely true.  It's not the ruining of an orgasm, it IS the perfecting of an orgasm.  In previous posts, I have mentioned how it seems that a true, full-on orgasm for me has been forever altered.  If, for no other reason it is because I have been conditioned to prefer, ask/beg for denial of a full on orgasm because I have been conditioned to prefer the joy of a constant state of arousal.  After a full-on orgasm, that constant state of arousal takes a backseat and remains there for a couple days at times.

Mistress K. and I never set out to recondition my mind, my spirit, my desires.  It just seemed to work out that way.  I've often spoke of the relative few amount of real orgasms I have/am allowed each year.  In 2016 I was allowed 5 full orgasms.  1 of those was at 12:45 on January 1, 2016.  That one and 2 others were full orgasms that I was ordered to have because Mistress K. demanded that I do so.  One was a misunderstanding wherein I thought Mistress K. told me to cum while I was inside of her (she didn't) and the final full orgasm was one I was given a choice to have if I wanted to.  I did want to, and so I took it. 

One thing is certain .... my full orgasms are in no way shape or form similar to the orgasms I used to have before my glorious FLM.  They just aren't as good or intense as the used to be, and I don't know why that is, other than (I think) my body is learning how not to associate a full orgasm with a decrease in desire for Mistress K.  I can honestly say that the sheer, unmitigated joy and denied sexual pleasure I get from worshipping her body, being allowed to have my cock inside of her, witnessing her having an orgasm, etc., all without being allowed to ejaculate or cum ...... exceeds the pleasure that I get from having a full orgasm.  It is a reality that most people in society can't even fathom but like many others, I am encouraged at what seems to be a growing number of people that understand these and other benefits of a Female Led Relationship!

AS I write this it is in the morning of January 2, 2017.  At this time last year I had already had 1 full on orgasm.  Although Mistress K. blessed me with a incredibly HOT ruined orgasm at 1:45am on January 1, 2017, I do wonder how many full orgasms I will be required/allowed to have in the coming year.   Whether it is non, one or one hundred, I do know that I will continue to live in a state of bliss ..... in submission to my beautiful Wife.

Lastly, I was private messaged by a delightful person on FetLife and was asked what I thought was a good, simple question. 

He asked; "Of all the things that encompass your WLM, what is the one thing (there may also be others) thing that you feel is essential, if all other aspects were unavailable?" 

At first his question didn't make sense so through a series of clarifying follow-up questions, I understood him to wonder what I felt was the single most important ingredient to a successful FLM. 

My answer was:  "her complete control of any and all of my sexual gratification"

There was emphasis on the word "complete".  Before my FLM, I masturbated 4-7 times a week, in the shower, in the morning.  Over time, it had become my default method of sexual gratification, much to the detriment of my wife and marriage.  It wasn't on purpose, it just happened.  Now .... if I were to masturbate without her knowledge and supervision, it would be akin to infidelity, and all the associated bad things that accompany that. 

I couldn't be happier!

Oh wait, before you go .....  I have been begging Mistress to allow me to purchase a Humbler for use in our alone time, be it for play or punishment.  Do you have experience?  What do you think?  The request to allow us to get one coincides with my asking her if she would consider more restraint/bondage/predicament play.  Who knows, maybe it's just a phase.

Happy New Year everyone!


  1. I'm a fan of onlyshecomes, really well written blog. The way she gets off on him not getting of is pretty intense. But I couldn't be him. What, he came once in 2016? I love orgasms too much for that long term of denial.

    Anyway, the humbler photo got my attention. I've wanted one for a while, I just think it's super sexy to have my balls presented to my Queen. But I'm also a little afraid I'd fall backward somehow and accidentally castrate myself. Yikes!

    Have fun!

    1. Hi lovetosubmit. I used to be that guy. I used to "love orgasms too much". But it's funny how you change to a place where your/my orgasms aren't the goal.

      I hear ya on the humbler!

    2. Actually, on her tumblr today, it's clear that she let her husband have intercourse with her twice last year, and that it would be a "very long time" until he gets to enjoy it again.

      My wife comes about twice as often as I do, and she almost never has multiple O's in a session (even though she is capable of it, she is satisfied with a single powerful orgasm). So, it's fair to say that I'm denied about every other session. Truth be told, I enjoy handjob orgasms more than intercourse. However, there is an intimate connection when I am inside her that can't occur any other way. I think the sweet spot for me is release every 10-14 days. Much beyond that - especially with heavy tease and denial play - and I can't focus on anything other than sex.

      Having said that, I really enjoy it being up to her, and my thoughts on the matter are just for her consideration.

      Being on my knees with my balls super exposed has always been a turnon for me: feeling so exposed and the fact that I have no idea what she's doing back there. It's an intensely submissive position for a male. I really would like her to manipulate my balls into the humblr device, slowly screwing the wood panels together and then abusing my balls while I could do nothing about it. We'll see!


  2. Hi sub hub, what a great explanation and very well said. As you say, not something many can fathom. You am Mistress K have such a beautiful relationship :) I'm not sure if I should wish you more or less orgasms in 2017 lol.


    1. Ha Roz! You can wish me more orgasm perfecting. How's that? *smile Thanks as always for the wonderful words and sentiments.


  3. Hi,
    I love you post. Orgasm control and denial are something I brought up to my wife and we discussed it for a long time. Even chastity and a wife lead marriage were things we discussed. I tended to neglect my, mainly since we had been married for a number of years. I always thought I was a pretty average guy but after a few years we tried it. Jump to today as I am now often frustrated and denied and find myself hopping for release I also find it is different for me and more enjoyable from the days I had regular sex with my wife. And since this is all consensual it makes my infrequent full gratification acceptable, so I concentrate on pleasuring my wife. I can't believe sometimes when I look around that I might be that one guy in work or when my wife and I are out somewhere that gets a few orgasms when my wife allows them, yet I am also very happy. When my wife denies me and I beg or complain she often teases that I should blame my situation on the Internet, the place where we did many searches. Thanks for letting me post anonymously as I prefer this. Happy New Year.

    1. "And since this is all consensual it makes my infrequent full gratification acceptable, so I concentrate on pleasuring my wife" That sums it up nicely. Thank you for that.

      I too look around and wonder if there are any others that know firsthand of the unmitigated joy that comes from having his wife control his sexual pleasure. It's not something I think can be explained well enough without actual experience to do it justice.

      You're welcome for letting you post anonymously, although you didn't need my permission. Ha!

  4. Sub hub very good explanation of how a ruined orgasm feels. I've only had a few as R likes to watch me squirt. I've seen pics of the humbler it look very submissive. I do wonder the comfort or wearing one. At present R will wrap a thin rope around my sac. starting at the top and working down until my balls are very tight at the bottom then ties it off leaving enough rope hanging down so she can lead me around.

    1. Thanks archedone. I absolutely adore being led or restrained by my balls, which is why I want to try the humbler.

  5. My response to the question you were posed would be exactly the same. Before our FLM became official Queen J and I would play around with power exchanges. But as titalating as it was at times it was still play. It was my desire for things to be "real". For us, her total ownership of my sex and my 100% devotion to her desires is the cornerstone of our WLM. Like you, if I were to secretly masturbate, especially to completion, I would feel as if I had broken a sacred covenant. In fact I would have. And to the other side of the coin, if Queen J did not take her ownership of my sex seriously, the reality of our FLM would be compromised.

    BTW, we're even with full orgasms for 2016. My first was on Valentine's Day and the 5th coming on New Years Eve morning, 111 days since the last on Sept 10, a new world record for me! Unfortunately you have me in the "perfected" orgasms department, I was only able to have 3. Queen J is not especially keen on delivering them. She's left them for me to produce those few times. For some reason it just doesn't feel right without her direct participation. Something to see if we can't improve upon in 2017.

    Thanks for the great post and allowing me to share some thoughts.
    All the best to you guys for 2017

    1. Thanks for stopping by sublove. It's nice to know there are "brothers" in a similar situation out there. Mistress K. prefers to deliver my ruined orgasms herself, although on occasion she will order me to produce one for her viewing pleasure. I absolutely love the lack of falloff of desire that follows a ruined orgasm. And so does she

  6. I have been reading your blog for sometime now and really enjoy it. I should have been commenting and not lurking so much so I do apologize. Mistress recently purchased a humbler to add to her collection of toys for me and it does make for some interesting play. I have to say for me the discomfort I feel is more from my knees, having to crawl around on all 4's can be challenging. I am lucky as I can stand about half way straight so I am able to work on the kitchen counter when tasked with making lunch or for other domestic duties such as vacuuming. You will not forget you have it on and if you do, you will receive a very smart reminder.

    1. Welcome my friend. I sincerely appreciate you coming out of the closet, so to speak. So lovely to have you.

      I can imagine the discomfort in the knees. I sincerely hope Mistress K. changes her mind and will allow us to get one.

  7. Thanks for the recommendation :) Nice site ~sara


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