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Thursday, April 16, 2015

Last Night

Two things happened last night.  Two very important and profound things as they relate to my relationship to my Mistress Wife.

First, Mistress and I were on a dinner meeting that we occasionally do in order to review things FLM, including things that either of us may have on our minds, good, bad or indifferent.  It's quiet time away from the kids so we can speak about the things we normally can't talk about at our regular dinner table.  At this meeting, the conversation quickly went to me complaining some about not feeling her control, her dominance, her hands enough.  I whined some about how I was feeling neglected and that I was feeling that we have slowly moved to such a routine in our relationship that I feared that I was being taken for granted. 

(sidebar   -   This seems to be a common theme among some of my very good submissive husband blog friends.  One in particular is I'm Hers who has been posting and commenting on similar feelings he has been having on his blog.  If you aren't familiar with his blog, I encourage you to check it out because it is excellent!!  Here is a link:   http://im-hers.blogspot.com/ ). 

Over the course of my talking about my feelings, and trying to be clear that I wasn't unhappy or anything like that, I was coming like a whiney pussy of a submissive man and not the strong, confident submissive that I am expected to be.  It just started coming out.  Unintentionally, I started blaming Mistress K. for how I was feeling as if our whole FLM dynamic was centered on how I should feel from time to time.

In true, epic form, Mistress K. calmly made me realize two things.  Her love and desire for me was not an ounce less than it ever was and that it continues to grow each day.  She was appreciative of me expressing how I was feeling and very expertly made me understand that although how I was feeling was important to her, it wasn't about me.  It was about her.  She didn't just "shove that part up my ass" and tell me to like it or lump.  No, instead she was able to demonstrate how I am able (and frankly required) to better communicate with her about things that are on my mind, again good, bad or indifferent.    She's not a mind reader after all and if in the course of her very busy life she's not able to recognize my tender feelings fro time to time, it's my obligation to make them more apparent to her.  She was right and in no time, I felt waaaay better.

Out of this discussion came two things that she implemented as part of our routine, daily existence.  Beginning today and until further notice, each morning at precisely 5:55 am, I am to have her steaming hot coffee on her night stand and then I am to wake her gently by using only my kisses on her tummy.  The other thing she established is during those times when I need to talk about a situation that is on my mind, I am to formerly address her as Mistress, ask her permission to speak with her about whatever is on my mind before bring up an issue.  I had a recent post about rituals and how much I appreciate them.  Along those lines, I am so grateful and excited about these two new rituals. 

The other profound and important thing that happened last night was I finally received punishment for ejaculating without permission while at play in bed with Mistress.  I didn't know what to expect leading up to this punishment, especially because Mistress had made it clear before that it would be something that I needed to "mentally prepare" for.  I knew it would significant but didn't know exactly what it would be.  Frankly, my biggest concern was that Mistress K. was going to have me masturbate to a full orgasm immediately preceding her giving me a punishment spanking.  Those are the worst!  In the end, it turned out to be nothing more than the longest, hardest and most painful spanking I have ever received from her.  Good old fashioned blistering on my ass with her trusty pink leather paddle.  I thrashed and wriggled because it was painful but as my spanking went on, I could feel my shame and disappointment leave my body, and my love and devotion to her growing. With each swat, I felt that much more devoted to her, despite the pain. When it was over there were no tears (although they weren't that far off if she had continued) but it hurt and I sweating profusely.  I knew when it was about to begin, that it was going to hurt because Mistress had me get a pillow off the bed, put it on the floor and bury my face in it so the kids could not "hear my screams".  When it was finally over, the aftercare was incredible.  It was nothing more than what we always do .... her holding me and telling me that I am forgiven and that she loves me, but on this occasion, because of the nature of the infraction, I needed to be forgiven.

Afterward she got up and instructed me to get into bed because it was time to sleep.  When she joined me, I asked her if she would like an orgasm this night (like I seem to do every night now) and after thinking about for a second, she said yes.  She ordered me to retrieve her Hitachi-like vibrator and then to kiss and lick her nipples while she used it to bring herself to orgasm.  She had realized that giving me the spanking she gave had made her want to orgasm and for me to have to watch, knowing that it was the pinnacle of sexual pleasure that I would not be enjoying that evening.  It was magical and when she was done, she rolled over and before she could fall asleep, I thanked her for allowing me to witness her orgasm (like I always do), for her being the Dominant Mistress I needed her to be at dinner during our conversation, and for my incredible spanking.

18 comments:

  1. Glad to hear that your punishment is over but even more so that you two were able to reconnect:)

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    1. OMG little girl, I am so glad that that punishment is behind me. That's the good news. The "bad" news is that I believe that a new standard for severity of spankings has been established after Mistress recognized two things ... 1. the positive, corrective effect it had on me, and 2. how horny it made her feel. All of that marinating in a mutual agreement of more consistency is needed, which means more spankings.

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  2. I read this and Sir and I both commented at how impressed we are with your Mistress. She really 'has her shit together' as he so eloquently stated. Her ability to hear you and respond so well to your concerns is refreshing.

    I am also glad to hear that your punishment wait is over.

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    1. What an incredibly nice thing to say CM. Thank you. I will be sure to pass along your kind words to Mistress. I am also glad that punishment is over. I'm walking on air today and for the first after a spanking, there are still marks almost 24 hours later.

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  3. Hi sub hub, I am glad that you have been forgiven and felt it physically. This is wonderful and I am happy for you because you could reconnect so much.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Thank you Ni Na. I appreciate the words and the hug!

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  4. I always love the reconnecting part. :D

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  5. Being able to express your concerns is wonderful and I agree she can't read your mind. You finally got your punishment and she took you to a new level of spanking. You may be right spanking may be harder from now on and more often. Like you I love giving R a climax after I've received a good spanking and she allowed you to watch her play I love when that happens.
    archedone

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    1. I love it too archedone. There is hardly anything more visually satisfting than seeing my Mistress lead up to and have an orgasm. So satisfying. I remember a particular WLR picture with a beautiful "wife-like" woman, seemingly about to give herself an orgasm with the caption that read ... "Hubby, I love our relationship. From now on, my orgasms should be enough to satisfy both of us". Oh my yes!

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  6. Hi sub hub, I'm glad the punishment is over and that you feelthe forgiveness of your Mistress. Sounds like a wonderful night of reconnection. I love how your Mistress listened to how you are feeling and reacted according. The new rituals sound wonderful :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks so much Roz. I'm glad too that the spanking is over too. Having a clean slate (for now at least) is a wonderful way to about my day(s). Until, of course, being an imperfect human will cause the need for a future punishment. I love how she listened as well and I love even more how she didn't just appease me but instead redefined for me (appropriately so) how is was I should've been feeling. Love her so much.

      Just 30 minutes ago was the second day of being her human alarm clock. Kissing and nuzzling her tummy is among my favorite ways to show my devotion to her and she is enjoying such a delightful way to wake up.

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  7. I have actually been meaning to comment on I'm Her's blog- very glad you reminded me here. It is so very difficult for me to get out of my funk when I am not feeling His control. I find that my self-pitty shitty attitude just goes way out of whack and I crave His control all the more. At this point, I too suck at communicating my needs.

    Checking in reaffirms who we are for each other- we use that method too. State of the Union =)

    Your Mistress K really does have her Domme shit together, I COMPLETELY agree! Feeling and seeing the marks from your spanking the next day--well done to your Mistress K!! Well done.

    XOXO Pearl

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    1. Thanks so much for your comment Pearl. Your comment caused a light to turn on in my head on this topic, which it seems there are many that are feeling the way(s) expressed by my friend IH, you, me, and others here that I admire a great deal.

      When I was sitting there with Mistress K., feeling good about how well I thought I was articulating MY needs, and what may have been lacking in MY head, MY world, MY submission, Mistress K. had a way of immediately clearing the air by reminding me to just two things ....... one was that she loved me, cared about the things in my life that made me happy, needed, sad, wanted, etc..... and the other thing was (and this was the big thing for me), IT WASN'T ABOUT ME, it was about HER. She didn't tell me that in a "fuck you, I don't care about how you are feeling way", but rather in the perfect way that was able to allow me to re-center what was important to me. It was magical. She condensed weeks-longs gathering of emotions in my head and in a manner of seconds was able to "fix" my problem by merely having me look in the mirror and what was really my problem, where it was coming from and how it was up to me to fix those things. Of course, none of that would've been possible if she wasn't able to give me the one thing I knew I needed to be able to "fix" it, which was 1000% confidence I the knowledge that I am important to her, even though my mind may not be able to recognize that from time to time.

      That, and the ass-whipping I got later straightened everything out. *smile

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  8. Sounded to me like you had one wonderful evening - dinner alone, time to talk and share and then incredible intimacy in the discipline and cuddle time that followed. I'm happy for you friend. You have a wonderful wife that loves and cares for you - in a way that meets your needs perfectly. Have a great weekend.

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    1. Thanks IH, and of course I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm certain that you do as well.

      I've been thinking about your situation a lot lately in my head, mostly because I feel like our marriages are very similar. I recall a comment recently by you about how there is no (or very little) punishment dynamic in your FLM and the thought occurred to me that therein may be part of the "problem" and perhaps even apart of the solution.

      Of course I know that what works for me doesn't mean it would work for you (or anyone else for that matter), but that's going to stop me from suggesting that perhaps Katie and you discuss the possibility of introducing punishments into your marriage. I have come to realize that act of being punished itself is a major source of the kind of attention we seem to seek from our beautiful Wives. When the process of being punished begins for me, there is hardly a more intimate, more personal more submissive thing I can be doing with my beloved Wife at that very moment. I truly am cleansed when the pain of the paddle has finally been endured and the beauty and tenderness of the immediate aftercare is something that is so amazing I can't do it justice by trying to explain. There is just something so beautiful, natural and important about presenting yourself naked to your Wife in order to receive her proper correction. For me, it truly does, clear the slate, reboot my computer, fill my tank .... well you get the idea ...

      Perhaps Katie and you should consider introducing a punishment dynamic.

      Thanks for your friendship!

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    2. Hi Sub Hub,
      Your comment above about the punishment dynamic really resonates and I know our relationship ( and my behavior) would be very different if the threat of corporal punishment was not present. We have talked about this many times and she has told me that she can't imagine our relationship thriving if she didn't have her " sanction" that is the authority to spank me. But several blogs (femdom 101 may be the leading example) describe relationships that don't include and seem to reject altogether the use of corporal punishment. I think it may be the major difference between FLR types There is a question in here somewhere but when my wife punishes me with a spanking I feel her love in a way that nothing else can express and I feel her authority most directly. Others apparently do it but I do not understand how one can have an FLR without the authority to use corporal punishment when it is needed

      Alan.

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    3. I'm right there with you my friend. In my recent conversation with Mistress K. about my unexplained "neediness" lately, we discussed (and later discovered) that all i was really lacking was the consistent (and now more severe) punishment spankings for infractions. There was a period of time that enforcement of our rules (at her sole discretion) had been lax and as direct result, my behavior had become, well, unacceptable for a submissive husband. At the same time, I was feeling neglected when it came to not feeling her "authority and dominance". The solution for us was simple, get back to the meaningful, consistent, physical enforcement of the rules, and all of a sudden I am feeling her dominance.

      Thanks for such a thoughtful comment.

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