Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Love and Affection

Recently, my dear friend from K in New England posted about the joys of "vanilla" love.  It was an excellent post and you can read about it here:

In it she spoke eloquently about the unmitigated joys of existing with the one you love and how important intimacy is in her relationship with her husband.  In this post, the beautiful intimacy they shared was not defined by the type or frequency of kink, but rather by just being together, enjoying each and having it culminate in the kind vanilla love making that is needed from time to time in every relationship.
I promised myself in the beginning, when I decided that I had enough courage to ask my beautiful wife to accept my submission , that I would never lose sight of the reasons I wanted to pursue the lifestyle we currently have.  For those that are late comers to this blog, it all started out  with a casual comment/question about how our life would be after our children had flown from the nest to live their own adult lives.  She wondered if after all of the trials and tribulations of raising children and running our family, would we still have the intimacy and genuine fondness for each other that we'd enjoyed thus far, and especially in the beginning.  Would we look upon that time with excitement about being able to spend all of your time almost exclusively together, or, would we go the route of so many other lovers/parents/spouses that were well intended and in love but somehow found that they had slowly drifted apart without even noticing.
That one comment made me think.  I already knew that I so very much loved this woman I was married to, that I very much loved just being with her.  In fact, after my first marriage that ended in divorce, I knew that when I married again, it would be with someone that I was able to genuinely worship for the beauty that existed in her whole being.  It would be with someone that I truly wanted to always be with rather than someone I felt I needed a break from occasionally.  I found that woman in Mistress K. and have always felt honored and blessed to have her in my life as my beloved life mate. 
I was not about to let the potentially mundane existence of suburban family life define the nature of our future intimate time together, and thus I began to research ways to help ensure that we would not drift apart.  I came across an article that explained the virtues of a Female Led Relationship and how it saved many marriages.  The article was more clinical than sexual.  The references to sexual activity were not detailed heavy, in depth, erotic writing, but rather a practicable explanation about the virtues of the various aspects that are inherent with a FLM/FLR.  Orgasm denial, orgasm control, discipline, punishment, etc., were discussed, but in such a way as to explain their importance to a successful and true FLM.  It proved to me that such a relationship was just what the doctor ordered.  It showed me that in general, a FLM would naturally and automatically provide the kind of energy and intimacy that I knew I wanted to always have.  I adored this woman with all of my heart, so why not ask her to accept a role in our marriage that would allow her to be openly adored and worshipped in such a way that truly intended to make her life more, well, enjoyable? 
It made perfect sense and once I was convinced that I wasn't trying to introduce as lifestyle to my beloved wife solely in order to indulge a kink, but rather to ensure that the joy and intimacy of our marriage would always be there, I took a big gulp and decided to reveal what was in my heart to her.  I was never really worried that she would reject the idea (or me) because, well I know her that well.  I was confident that she would see this as something very beneficial to our marriage and to her overall happiness in life.  I also knew that if she accepted my submission, that I would need to understand that she was going to need to be able to find her own way in her style and preference of leadership.  Even with that knowledge, being the kind of "helpful husband" that we husbands can sometimes be, there was topping from the bottom which she was able to recognize quickly, and was quickly able to put a stop to.  She told me that if we were going to be successful at this lifestyle, I would have to allow nature to take it's course and to trust her to be able to find her way without subtle input from me (topping from the bottom).  That was a benchmark in our relationship.  Our FLM really began to grow.  The love honor, respect, devotion and joy all grew in such a way that continues to grow to this day.  
Mistress K. continues to settle in and find more and more comfort and more and more pleasure in her role in your marriage. And so do I. In turn, the pleasure and joy she seems to have oozing from her pores causes me to be drawn closer and closer into her.  In thinking back on what my hopes and dreams were in the beginning, a happier wife in a happier life for the two of us was the goal.  That journey has taken us to even use our recent 15th wedding anniversary to formally commit to our roles in our marriage by the exchange of vows in front of an officiant, and a formal offering of and acceptance of Mistress's collar.  It was a beautiful and emotional moment for both of us.
Our evolution as a FLM couple continues to being us more happiness together and as we continue to explore our lifestyle together, we continue to look toward the future wondering NOT if we'll still like to be together, but instead where our hand-in-hand journey will takes us.  During this journey, I am hopeful to always be able to talk about it here.  I realize that most of my post are about how Mistress K. and I interact with each other kink/sex wise, but I will never lose sight of the underlying reason we are we are.
Thank you K in New England for your very inspiring post and for reminding all of us of what is really important in each of respective relationships. 


  1. There is not much one can say after reading this post except that I believe it describes what all submissives/dominates feel in their relationship. Very well written.

    1. Thank you archedone. I so very much appreciate it!

  2. archedone, I so agree.

    ship- fantastic explanation of the heart behind the lifestyle. It does a sub good to read this post and to remember (as my Man would say) that we are in it for the long haul.

    I think that Mistress of yours is in need of some lovely fresh flowers!!
    (And, please wish her a very Happy Mother's Day for me)

    XOXO Pearl

    1. Thanks so much Pearl. Yes indeed, we are in it for the long haul. I couldn't agree more, Mistress should have a house that smells sweet from flowers. I'll get right on that. Of course I will extend you Mother's Day wishes as well. Thank you for that. So thoughtful.

  3. Beautiful. .... just beautiful!

  4. Well written and heart felt. It captures the exact feelings I have recently discovered. Thank you SHiP.

  5. Hi Sub Hub. Thanks for the shout out. What a lovely post, it was fantastic. You touched on exactly what we've been through these past few years. Creeping towards the 30th anniversary (this year will be 28) I was all too fearful that we had fallen into that pit - kids grown and moving own, still love each other but were we still in love with each other. How insightful for you to think about the future as you embraced lived in the present. Make sure that you and the kiddos remember Mother's Day. Mistress K is deserving of some extra special TLC. Hugs. K

  6. Simply beautiful. What more can I say besides it is a wonderful thing to find that kind of love!

  7. A beautiful way to reaffirm your love and commitment to one another. Congrats to you and Mistress K.

  8. This is such a lovely post sub hub, I'm so happy for you both :) Congratulations on your 15th anniversary. What a beautiful way to reaffirm your commitment to each other.



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