Cucked?

Not really, no.

This morning, I was naked and approached Mistress to inform her that I was about to get dressed.  She then informed me that she had bought me some golf pants yesterday and that since i was already naked, it would be a good time to try them on.  She ordered me to our closet, showed me the pants and had me try them on, then stand on a stool so she could pin the legs where they were to be hemmed.  After both pairs were pinned, she ordered me out of my clothes and to stay standing on the stool.  She reached for some lube and starting stoking my rapidly growing erection.  At the same time, her other hand was roaming my naked body and she started to bite my butt.  Being naked on that stool while she was edging me was so hot that it was only a matter of seconds before I was straining to avoid an orgasm.  There is just something about being objectified by this gorgeous woman that sends me straight to the edge quickly.  After a few repeated trips to the edge, she abruptly stopped and told me to clean up and get dressed for work.  "You'll be wearing a cock ring today" she said as I made my way toward the bathroom.  it was hot.  Really hot.

I left for the office with a rock hard cock. I couldn't take my mind off of what just happened.  While sitting at a red light i texted here a few sexy pictures.  One of them was of the suction-cup dildo that she used to simulate a cuck experience.  More about that can be viewed in this post:

http://subhubphx.blogspot.com/2015/01/i-was-good-boy.html

I got to the office, had to focus on my job because an important meeting was waiting for me the second I walked in the door.  That meeting lasted about 90 minutes and as I was walking from the conference room to my office, i received a text from her that simply said "jealous?".   At first I didn't know what she meant.  Then it occurred to me that she was referring to the suction cup dildo in the pictures.  The very one she "cucked " me with a couple of weeks ago.  I had to stop and think .... am I actually jealous of a sex toy?  No.  I thoroughly enjoy using sex toys in our lovemaking, without ever having an ounce of self-consciousness.  Does she think I am jealous of the imaginary man that was represented by the dildo that day, and that was fucking her hard and for as long as she wanted?  Maybe a little, but no, because it wasn't an actual man that was pleasuring her that way. 

I replied by saying that jealous may not be the right word and that perhaps "conflicted" was the right word.  Immediately after sending it I thought to myself ... Conflicted?  Conflicted about what?  I came to realize that my conflict had to do with the disappointment I feel when I am not physically able to fuck her for as long as she wants to be fucked.  Not without having to stop and start frequently in order to avoid orgasm or ejaculation.  I understand this to be common among submissive men in a loving FLM if for no other reason than the constant edging and teasing, and for being in what amounts to a constant state of arousal.  Still, I want to be the kind of bull-like lover that she sometimes wants to be fucking her.  I can't absolutely do it with some time to plan and some knowledge that it is going to be something she will want right then.  A little desensitizing spray and maybe even a cock-sleeve usually does the trick. 

I went on to tell her that the other side of the conflict coin was my incredible desire to see my Mistress in the absolute throes of passion, and to witness the joy she has by being fucked hard, long and in a way that allows her to have reckless abandon.  I've said it before and often ... It truly is an enormous source of sexual pleasure for me to witness Mistress in that state of reckless abandon.  So much so in fact that I know I could conjure up my own ruined orgasm without any direct stimulation to my cock and by merely watching her. Ideally, the cock that would otherwise be giving her that pleasure would be mine.  I wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally, to watch my Mistress being fucked in that fashion by a living, breathing, other man.  In other words, I wouldn't be able to handle being actually cucked by her with an actual other man.  A rubber, suction cup dildo?  yes.  Another woman?  Yes!  (I know, I know ... typical piggish male attitude, but at least I am honest about it.)  But not another real, live man. 

It got me to thinking ... Is it inevitable?  Are we headed toward the cuckold conversation.  OMG, could this be happening?  You know how the mind works ... once a little anxiety sets in, illogical thoughts begin to take over at which point, I had to abandon any idea that this could actually be happening because it wasn't actually logical.

That was earlier today.  Since then I have had time to think about it all calmly and I have come to the conclusion that although I still am in no way able to emotionally handle actually (probably now more than before), really being cucked by my Mistress with real, other man, I do hope that Mistress will "cuck" me again with that suction cup dildo again real soon, and real often.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I dreaded having the knowledge that this topic and conversation would someday come into my view.    Guh!

Conflicted.

Orgasms ... and the lack thereof

I will start this post off by saying two things ....  1.  I haven't had a full orgasm since October of last year, with only 3 ruined orgasms since;  and  2.  I am not at all complaining about that fact.

In fact, after our latest incredibly sexy session

(link to it here:  http://subhubphx.blogspot.com/2015/01/i-was-good-boy.html)

while I was telling Mistress K. thank you and that we had been to a couple places together that we hadn't been to before, I made the comment that although my orgasms are now few and far between during the past 18 months or so, the sex I have been lucky enough to be allowed to have has been beyond incredible.  I've been thinking about this ever since we discussed it.  Thinking about how unlikely it is that I would ever be able to explain to someone outside the realm of understanding the basic dynamics of a FLM, what an incredible and sexually satisfying ride it has been.  They'd never believe it .... because they wouldn't be able to.  My beautiful, skilled Mistress Wife seems to know exactly when her devoted, submissive husband should be allowed (or required) to orgasm, be it ruined or full.  In fact, Mistress K. was so in tuned to having conditioned me to restricted orgasm that when we were in the hottest part of our recent incredible sex, Mistress warned me that she was going to ruin me that day.  there was no asking, no negotiating, just a statement of fact from my Mistress of how my sex was going to conclude.

 

Have I mentioned before that I love ruined orgasms?  yeah, I'm pretty sure I have.

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I guess to illustrate my feelings about this, here I am writing a post about how my orgasms are so few and far between .... and .... I'm hard as a rock.  Makes me really want to ................

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Or ........

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It's a little more incredible and less satisfying of a ruined orgasm when Mistress takes me there with ZERO direct stimulation to my penis.  I wonder what it's like to entirely own the sex of someone that you love and lust for so deeply.  I'm hoping it's as incredible as having someone that you love and lust for deeply, owning it completely.

I love you Mistress.

Will be kneeling and waiting

Mistress K. sent a text that included the words "48 hours" and a picture of the full garbage can that remained after I left for the office.  Guh! 

(for those of you that don't know, when Mistress says 48 hours to me, it means that within 48 hours I am to see to it that I receive a punishment spanking.  No excuses, no extending the time ... unless she decides to.  If for whatever reason the punishment spanking is not delivered within those 48 hours, another more significant spanking is then due.)

I so very much hate it went I have disappointed Mistress in even the slightest way.  Not at all an excuse, but I was running around trying to get ready, placing the leather cock ring with ball splitter that Mistress told me to wear today, putting on my suit and trying not to be late for an important early meeting I had. 

When Mistress told me to take out the garbage on her way out the door to take the kids to school, I acknowledged and even said to myself ... "don't forget dummy". 

I forgot.  Guh!

So, tomorrow, when she returns from taking the kids to school, I will be kneeling, naked, offering her the pink leather paddle and then presenting myself for a punishment spanking.  Guh!  Way to go dummy!

Balls Harness (stretcher)

One of my frequent commenters mentioned recently that he couldn't visualize what the "balls harness" or "balls stretcher" looked like, and asked that I post a picture.  Here are a couple:

This one is neoprene and is very comfortable, although it does not have a D-ring attached:

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A different one I have is similar to this except it uses Velcro to close (so it is adjustable) and has a D-ring, to which Mistress can attach a leash to lead me around with, or even a clasp that she can attach to the handle of a drawer (or?) to hold me in place.

Here is another version of essentially the same thing, although again, no D-ring:

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Wearing my balls harness is probably my favorite thing to wear under my regular clothes (other than my glass butt plug).  It pulls and holds my ball comfortably away from my body in such a way that I always aware they are there, and therefore constantly reminded that they are the property of my beloved Mistress.

These pictures have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand.  They just make me horny  (smile) :

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Have a great weekend everyone.  Submissive brothers and sisters out there, love your Dominants!  Dominants, love your submissives.  We are all so very lucky to have each other in our lives.

What will it be today?

As i do every morning, i presented myself naked to Mistress to inquire about what i would be wearing under my clothes today.  At that moment Mistress K. was frustrated by O/our little shithead dog because all he wanted to do was sniff around the ground outside and play, while all She wanted him to do was poop.  In that frustration, Mistress was not necessarily able to focus on what my attire would be for the day and then just blurted "it's a free day for you to choose what you want to wear". 

Hmmm, now what?

my mind immediately to go through my options and of course i immediately went to all of the things that i enjoy wearing the most.  Was it going to be the Velcro balls-separator that comfortably hold my balls so deliciously out in front of my legs when i sit and walk, that cause me to constantly be reminded of who owns them? 

Was it going to be another one of my favorites, our new glass butt plug that feels like it was made for me, which constantly fills me and reminds me of who owns the cavity that holds it? 

Would i go with cock ring with balls splitter?

 

 

Decisions, decisions.  i went with panties!  Why panties?  i didn't know exactly except that when the thought crossed my mind, my knee-jerk reaction was one of submission in that panties always make me feel like Mistress's little slut girl.  Also because i concluded that the decision was "edgy" because it was the first time on my own that i made a decision to wear panties.  i don't have a desire to be feminized with a wig, eye lashes, lipstick and the like, but i do admit that i enjoy the feeling i get when Mistress will have me dress like a slut.  i still have fond memories of when Mistress put a corset on me, which only served to rev up those 'dirty-girl' thoughts.  In fact, panties are a very key component of one of my favorite fantasy sex photos where a strap-on wearing Mistress has her black thong wearing submissive laying on his tummy on a foot stool, while she is adorned with a lovely strap on, and his black thong panties are pulled to the side for the sole purpose of making his bottom accessible to his Mistress.

 

My first instinct was to wear the glass butt plug because the last time wore it, it was a pleasurable delight even after it being inserted for 13 hours straight.  If you've never worn a butt plug, it helps when your colon is clear and your tummy is at rest and not churning, even a little.  This particular morning, i wasn't convinced that my tummy was restful enough to be able to last the whole day.  After concluding that, the thought did cross my mind to give it a go though because, let's be honest half the fun of wearing a plug is the process of inserting it.  After a minute of contemplation, i realized that it would merely be an opportunistic and dishonest way for me to justify satisfying the desire to penetrate my own ass, under the guise of considering it.  Mistress probably never even would've know because She was off that f*ucking dog of ours trying to him to poop.  Still, i couldn't do it because it would've been akin to lying to Her.

 

So, here i am, in my panties, relishing the feeling of the lace that holds them up and the material that splits my ass cheeks and rests right up again my tiny rear hole.  I feel like such and ass whore!  Thank you Mistress.  I love you.

She's back!

Yay!  i was having dinner with a buddy when i got the text that Mistress and the kids were home.  Check please!  i left in a hurry.  Home was 2 minutes from where i was.  I pulled into the driveway and the car was there, trunk open and i saw the kids.  i was so happy to see them and they were so happy to see me.  We hugged and talked a little about their trip and then there She was.  The door to the garage opened and out She walked.  She was breathtaking.  A vision of gorgeousness.  The object of my desire.  my Mistress!

She saw me and smiled and came over and gave me a big kiss and a big hug.  It felt so good to hold Her.  She was wearing a very light sundress and i could feel Her naked body through the fabric.  i was hard in 2 seconds starting from when i first put my eyes on Her. 

The neighbor kids all gathered because they missed their pals and the house was in utter chaos with unpacking and kids running around everywhere.  One of O/our kids is leaving again today to visit a friend in San Diego so Mistress was busy focusing Her attention on getting him ready for his trip.  Laundry, unpacking, repacking and so on.  W/we had a few minutes to lay together on the couch and watch a show but there wasn't going to be any play tonight!  Holding Her, smelling Her kissing Her skin wherever it was exposed was glorious.  It was getting late and She had plenty more to do so She sent me off to bed but not before letting me know that for the foreseeable future there was going to be plenty of alone "we" time and that She was really looking forward to  putting me through my paces.

This morning She harnessed my balls with a splitter and sent me off to work.

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i feel Her now in my pants and am just so happy that She is back home.

Welcome home Mistress!

Self imposed

Mistress will be away for 4 more days.  Even though She had allowed me "free time" to have all kinds of kinky, slutty sex with myself, i have been mega horny since the morning after that wonderful night.  So horny in fact that as a precautionary measure, i locked myself into my chastity cage for now in order to prevent myself from, well you get the idea ..................

i can't wait to see Her!

Alone for 9 days

Mistress and i will apart for 9 days beginning tomorrow.  She isn't even gone yet and i am already missing Her terribly.  This morning i was awake early in anticipation of an early meeting I had scheduled at the office.  The entire house was sound asleep.  It was a wonderful, quiet summer morning.  It's supposed to be 112 here today, but at this time in the morning it was absolutely beautiful outside as i was watering some sickly plants we have. The kids were enjoying the kind of slumber a kid gets when out of school for the summer.  Cats, dogs and even a neighbor kid were all sleeping soundly as i went about my morning routine and then prepared for going to the office.

After is was done showering and shaving and putting on Mistress's favorite cologne, i went over to her in bed (our son sleeping beside her) and proceeded to "kiss her awake".  After all, i needed to know what is was to wear under my clothes this day.  Her eyes opened for just a brief moment, She said the word "splitter", rolled over and went right back to sleep.  i went right into the closet and proceed to get dressed, starting with the leather cock ring that snaps into place that has 2 separate straps that snap into place to spread and isolate each one of my balls.  it's one of my favorite things She has me wear. 

When i emerged from the closet, Mistress was in the kitchen going about starting Her day.  My first thought was ........... hole shit, i did not get Her coffee.  Right then She said "I got my own coffee".  Silly as it sounds, my heart sank for not having accomplished one of the simplest obligations i have to my Queen.  Then she said "you are due a punishment for that!".

Presumably, Mistress knows that while She is away, that i will do something that will earn a punishment.  i wonder if that will be on Her mind will She administers the latest earned punishment before she leaves.  Uh oh!

Summoned for punishment

OK, so here's what happened.  i was told to be home by 3pm. The kids are out of school so during the summer, when they are off to a friends house, Mistress will inquire about whether i am able to leave work at a moments notice.  Mistress didn't explain why i was being summoned .... but i knew why.  It was to be spanked.  It was a hot day so i was instructed to get a cold fountain drink on the way home.

i walked in to the house and went to Mistress to give her the cold drink.  I started to go around the house and lock all the doors.  Once all the doors were locked, She told me to close all the blinds and curtains, but i had better remove everything i was wearing except the cock ring that i had on.  Once naked, i went over to Her for further instructions while She sat on the couch.  She informed me that we didn't have much time and that i should rush off and get Her pink paddle.

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i ran off and got it as She told me i had better hurry because we didn't have that much time because the kids were at a movie and it would be over soon.  When i returned She was patting her lap.  She pointed which direction She wanted me to lay my head.  i laid my naked body across her lap as she began to rub my bare bottom and begun to review with me the reason(s) i was there in the first place.  This was to be a corrective punishment, not a fun one.  As She was paddling, the spankings were pretty hard, yet they were comfortable.  Yes they stung, but they stung in a yummy way and frankly i laid there motionless in utter joy at being naked over my Wife's lap, under Her hand. 

While She was administering my spankings, She received a text from the mother of the kids my children were with saying that they were on their way home.  SHIT!!!!  W/we figured we had 10 minutes or so.  Mistress had planned to have me worship Her and plant soft kisses all over her body (her favorite way to relax) when the punishment was over.  With time running out, She immediately had me get off Her lap and stand before.  She laid on Her tummy and told me to start Her all over.  It was an attempt for her to get at least a little of the comfort and joy of my body kisses on Her body before the kids got home.  While kissing Her, i made my way down Her expose back and lifted Her skirt to reveal Her glorious ass.  God i love her ass.  I love the sight of Her ass and when i know that i may even be allowed to worship it, well it is one of my favorite things. Right then She quickly rolled over onto her back.  One of my other favorite things is to worship Her tummy and front with soft kisses as well.  "Resume" were my instructions.  i was absolutely filled with lust and without asking, pulled the top of her dress down and her skirt up and began my worship ritual on the front of Her body.  i quickly made my way down her gorgeous tummy to Her pussy and boldly pulled the front of Her panties down.  i pulled back so i could take in the full picture of the beauty that was before me>  There She was ..... my Goddess with her skirt pulled up, top pulled down and the fron of Her panties pulled down just enough to reveal Her gorgeous, smooth pussy.  Longing eyes and angelic face were irresistible and so i lowered my head and went right for her clitoris.  Normally, She will not allow me to go right at it but i took a risk knowing that time was short.  i didn't know if She had wanted an orgasm or wanted merely to luxuriate for a while and be worshipped.  as soon as my mouth touched her pussy i knew She wanted an orgasm ..... so i went to work.  She had an orgasm very quickly. 

i asked for relief and asked to cum and She quickly said no.  i asked if i could be given a ruined orgasm and She quickly said no.  She rose from the couch, grabbed my rock hard cock and while stroking it said "there will be none of that for you ... now stand there (pointing to the floor) and face away from Me".  She grabbed the paddle again and told me to stand still.  She resumed her spankings, only this time they were HARD.  In her post orgasmic glow, She was really letting me have it.  She gave 10 or so hard spanks, with the last causing me to take a few steps forward because it hurt so bad (good).  

She grabbed me, turned me around, pulled toward and gently pushed me to my knees before Her so She could administer after care.  She hugged me and told me She loved me.  I love these moments!  While kneeling and hugging her tight, my cock jutted up and out between Her legs and I tried to find friction there.  She merely widened Her legs and while tenderly rubbing my head and back as I kneeled She simply said "there will be none of that today".  After a few minutes of aftercare, she released me and told me to get dressed and return to the office.  I stood and looked Her in the eyes and sincerely thanked Her for the honor of allowing me to put my mouth on Her and for allowing me to view Her having an orgasm.  I promptly got dressed and returned to the office.

While i drove to the office, i reviewed what had just happened.  Being naked while in the presence of my Mistress Wife is such a joy for me.  Being required (allowed) to worship her body with my mouth and kisses is a wonderfully emotional experience for me.  Being required (allowed) to have my mouth on her pussy or ass for the purpose of having an orgasm is the kind of joy that almost cause me to have an orgasm while doing it!  

I couldn't help but feel like my punishment spanking was interrupted.  When Mistress received the text that said the kids would soon be home, i think She was only at place where She was just getting started.  i mentioned in a previous about how i felt i needed to be honest with Mistress about my tolerance for pain not being reached when i sometimes receive a punishment spanking. i have never really had my limits really tested and pushed when getting spanked.  i can only remember once that there was a small bruise on my ass the following morning from a spanking i had received the night before.  More on this in a future post but for now i often think about the delicious arousal and anxiety of anticipating something that logically you won't want have to do at the time but are required to in order to demonstrate your devotion to your Mistress.  Among other things, a "past-the-limits" punishment spanking is one of those things.

For the rest of the day, i was walking on air.  My business partners even asked if took some happy pills while i was out of the office.  i just nodded and said "yes, yes i did"!

I love you my Mistress Wife!

Wear your splitter today ....

 



and have a nice day.

 

*nods

 

Yes Ma'am.

 

 

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What to wear

As many of you may know, it is my morning ritual to approach Mistress naked, and then inform Her that i am about to get dressed.  She will then tell me what i am to wear under my clothes for the day.  It varies, but sometimes, She just wants me to wear "normal" stuff, and that is what She had decided for today.

Then, while She was on the way to the gym, She called and caught me before i went to work.  She said She changed Her mind and wanted to be reminded of Her all day by wearing the neoprene cock ring.  It looks like this.

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Isn't She the greatest?

Monday morning

Mistress requires that i wear my leather cock-ring with ball splitter. It has been some time since i wore this and now that it is one, it feels like being reunited with a lost friend.

When Mistress left for her workout, She told me that i was to edge myself before leaving for the office.  Then, She texted me to tell Her to send Her a picture of my encased cock before my edging, then one after.

i adore Her!!!!

Something new to wear to today

This morning, Mistress instructed me to wear a new balls strap that i purchased last week.  This is the first time wearing this.  It is basically a Velcro strap that goes around the base of the balls and slightly extends the balls.  It also has a D-ring on it for easy attachment of a leash.  i have long wanted to be leashed by nothing but my balls.  Wearing this without a leash is an incredible tease. i wonder how many people would even think that i would be wearing the things i wear under my clothes while at work.