Blue Balls

 

It may sound crazy, but I have the epitome of aching blue balls and I love how it feels!  The dull ache that rests inside my pants is a constant reminder of the object of my emotional, spiritual and lustful desires.

 

On Friday I posted about how Mistress K. instructed me to masturbate to the edge every hour, on the hour, for the entire day.  Right up until bedtime.  I had no idea what, if anything would come of it in the sex play department but I found out as soon as we got into bed.  NOTHING!  Mistress wanted nothing more than for me to cuddle and nuzzle her while she fell quietly to sleep i our marital bed.  I asked if I could have relief then and she quietly said no.  "This is not the time .... now go to sleep "

 

Saturday was a day filled with busy family and parenting stuff, all day and night.  Apart from me walking over to her at various times during the day, to nuzzle in her neck and to tell her that I loved her, there was no physical interaction romantically or sexually.

 

Sunday?  Sunday?  Sunday was quite a bit different.  Mistress awoke about 7:45 in the morning.  When I heard her rise, I scurried to retrieve her coffee as I do every morning.  I handed it her and she was still very bleary eyed and sleepy.  Her long straight red hair was a disheveled tangled mess that half covered her face.  She was wearing her short little nightie that although isn't designed to be sexy but rather comfortable, I think it is sexy as hell.  I held her tight, kisses her face and neck and took in the body aroma that is uniquely her and declared my daily devotion to her.  She then hurried off to the restroom.

 

When she returned, she had shaken off the sleepiness and walked over to me sitting in the chair at the computer and began to kiss my neck.  She reached down and started to rub me through my shorts and gave me my instructions for the day.  She said "beginning at 8 this morning, you are to edge yourself every half hour for the entire day".  She grabbed my face, looked me in the eye and asked me if I understood my instructions.  I said "Yes maam".  "Good boy" and with that she kissed me softly then went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the kids.  She got 5 feet away then returned and said "oh, and you'll be wearing frilly panties all day".  She kissed me again and then left. 

 

EVERY HALF HOUR!!!!!  We went to bed at 10:30 that night.  Some quick math will tell that during the day on Sunday, I brought myself to the edge 29 times.  Yes .... 29 times.  She didn't come right out and say it, but she eluded to the fact that at the end of the day that I would be separated from the fluid that was gathering in my balls.  When we finally got into bed (she had to wake me up from the couch), she turned to me and started kissing me softly and saying what a good boy I was.  She started rubbing my soft cock and in no time i was all revved up in anticipation of, well, I didn't;t actually know, but i was certain it would be something.  Would she just drain me to ease the ache?  Would she stroke me until I couldn't hold it any longer and feign being disappointed that I came without permission?  I was pretty certain that she wasn't going to allow me to enter her because she knew that with all of that edging, I'd go off before I was able to get the whole head in. 

 

She stroked me to the edge 3 or 4 more times to the point i was begging her to allow me to ejaculate.  I wasn't asking to orgasm, I was begging to be drained.  She kissed me softly, held my face and quietly said no.  Now is not the time, and then rolled over and instructed me to cuddle her.  For the next 10 minutes I begged, whimpered, begged some more in desperate hope that she would acquiesce

and allow me to drain my balls.  She would have none of it and finally had to sternly tell me that if she had to say no one more time, I would be punished right then! 

 

Which brings us to today.  This morning, i was noticeably pouty about the fact that I was so frustrated about being denied the previous night.  She made a very subtle warning that this sort of behavior was not going to be tolerated ... at all!  I got the message real quick and apologized for being pouty.  A short time later, after bringing her a fresh cup of coffee and while she was facing the mirror putting on her makeup, I knelt behind her, slowly lifted her nightie and placed tender soft kisses on her gorgeous bottom and thanked her for her strength and for allowing me to be owned by her.  She informed that today I was to edge myself every 90 minutes throughout the day and then she handed me the panties that she wanted me to wear for the day.  I took the panties, said "Yes Mistress" and then thank her before leaving her to finish what she was doing.

 

Being in this state of unbelievably constant state of desire has allowed me to remember that it is not at all about my desire, or whether or not i think i should be allowed to cum, ruined or otherwise.  it is all about her and if having do this makes her happy, then it most certainly makes me happy. 

Fantasies

We all have them.  Some deny having them.  Some relish in them, but we all have them.  During the course of my submission in my FLM, my fantasies have evolved.  The majority of them anyway.  I still have fantasies that involve Mistress taking a female sub of her own, fantasies of watching Mistress make love to another woman and just get lost in reckless sexual abandon.  Fantasies about being among like-minded people in a setting where we could openly be demonstrative in our respective roles.  That sort of thing.

I'll tell you this though, one thing that has happened to me (and I couldn't be happier about it) is that every single fantasy that have, in some significant way, includes Mistress K.  Whether it is her instructing me to perform a sexual act of her choosing, for her viewing pleasure or the pleasure of a guest of hers, being taken anally in the presence and full view of others, or being given a punishment spanking, my fantasies ALWAYS include her.  It was something I recognized a few months ago and when it occurred to me, a giant smile came over my face.  I happened naturally. I didn't coerce myself into it because I felt I had to.  It was something that just happened because, I suppose, of the happiness I fell in my love life with my wife.  What a great place to be!

My favorite current fantasy is really quite simple .... to be summoned into the bedroom by Mistress K.  Then to be allowed the honor of being able to worship her entire body with those soft, tender kisses that she loves so much.  When Mistress is satisfied with the adoration that she has received, Mistress would then inform me that I may do whatever I wish sexually with her, with zero restrictions on what it is I choose and no restriction on my ejaculation or orgasm.  I would choose to lay her on her back, spread her legs, look into her eyes and hold them there while I slid myself inside of her.  I would thrust slowly at first, never once removing my eyes from hers.  Then, gently, firmly and with all the love in my heart I would continue to make love to her without stopping, our eyes never leaving each others, right up to and past the point of orgasm, emptying me seed inside of her.  Boring ... I know ... but OMG so hot!

What fantasies are in your head right now?  I'd like to know.  It could be a fantasy that might likely happen, could maybe happen, will never happen but is still a fantasy, or ???  Please friends, let me know.

Off to the cool rainy mountains again this weekend.  Some but limited access to this blog there but at worst, I'll "see" you all again on Monday.  Have a great weekend everyone.

She was reading my blog .......

The past two mornings, before starting her routine for getting for the day, Mistress K. sat in her Queen chair in our bedroom, cup of freshly poured coffee next (that I had just brought her), opened up her iPad and did a little reading on this blog.  I don't mind telling you what a thrill I get when Mistress will take the time to read my blog. 

A few moments later, Mistress called me into the room.  I didn't know why ... I assumed she needed her coffee warmed up.  I walked over to her and she sent me back to the bedroom door to close and lock it.  There were kids in the house still sleeping.  "Get some lube in your hand", were her instructions and with that I removed my shorts and my rapidly hardened cock sprang forward.  I went into the closet and placed lube in my hand and returned, standing in front of her.  She pointed to the floor and said "kneel there".  I kneeled .......  "Masturbate for me" were her next words.  So while she continued to peruse my blog and read the comments from my dear friends and readers, I slowly, methodically stroked myself with my right hand while my left hand went behind my back. 

She gets a little caught up with my thoughts here (although there is months worth of posts that she still hasn't had the time to read) and gets to see the comments left by my fiends and readers.  For example, she asked me "Who is K in New England"?  I asked her if she remembered me telling her about a small group of submissive wives that I had become close blog friends with, and how they had essentially accepted me as one of their submissive "sisters".  She said she did and then mention that K was one of those sisters.  She giggled and thought that was adorable.  She then went "Ewwww" when reading a comment from Mistress A. who suggested in a comment on my post "Eve of Milking Day", that I be required to consume my cum on my monthly milking day.  She went on to suggest that she knew that even though I have said it is not something that is appealing to either Mistress K. or me, that it was something that I wanted to be required to do anyway.  Mistress K. asked me "you don't want to do that do you"?  I said, those are her words Mistress, not mine.

I was in heaven.  Dutifully kneeling there while she sipped her coffee and read by blog.  (Did I mention that I so much love it when she reads my blog?)  I sat there in awe of her as she sat so confidently in her chair, reading my blog.  I wondered what she was reading and what she was thinking of what she was reading, never once ceasing to stroke my cock for her.  I went through at least a dozen trips to the very edge of orgasm while she continued her reading, letting out moans of delicious agony as I struggled to continue to stroke myself while simultaneously struggled to avoid having an ejaculation. 

Suddenly she said "go get my leather paddle".  I thought this was it.  I thought the dreaded, anticipated, significant punishment was about to happen.  Instead, Mistress had me stand in front of her and while continuing to stroke myself, she played with my ass and her paddle.  I instinctively knew that this wasn't the punishment I have anticipating with some dread and fear, and she confirmed that to be the case.  "No, I just wanted to have a little fun is all".  During this "play" spanking, Mistress discovered a way to be able to add a little extra sting with her paddle with a particular angle.  It's just an added bonus when Mistress can unexpectedly discover something new with our dynamic that she can use in the future.  After about 30 swats or so, she handed me the paddle, had me put it away and then told me to wash my hand, put my shorts back on and return to her.  When those things where completed, I returned to her, kneeled in front of her as she sat in her throne and she extended an arm to me, pulling me into her so I could relish in her tenderness.  I so very much love those moments after a paddling, even play paddling's like I had just received.  The words "thank you for my spanking Mistress" involuntarily came from my mouth and upon those words, she pulled in closer.

Shortly after, she excused me so she could continue her reading uninterrupted.  I am so in love with this woman!

What did you wear?

Sitting at the computer this morning, reading the news, answering some email, Mistress walks over and leans into my ear and asks "what did you wear yesterday?"  I replied "nothing Mistress because you didn't tell me to wear anything".  "48 hours"!  She went to say "that's not how it works my love.  You are required to inform me each day that you are about to get dressed so that I can decide what you will wear.  Remember?"  Yes Mistress, I replied.

On this day, I am wearing panties and the glass butt plug that I wear every Tuesday.  I just Mistress a text that said the following:

"I apologize for not letting you know that I was about to get dressed yesterday. Even though I am not looking forward to the ramifications of that, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you hold me to my responsibility. Thank you for that."

It's these small moments of appreciation for all the hard work that Mistress is willing to do to keep our rituals and lifestyle relevant.  Without moments like these, the basic responsibilities can become taken for granted.  Thank you Mistress for preventing that from happening.

Masturbate for me!

This morning I was working away on the computer.  It was early and only Mistress and I were awake in the house, and she was in the shower.  I heard the shower turn and just then I was summoned.  "Lover ... ? come here please!"  I marched into the bathroom and she was just emerging from the shower.  She was naked (yay) and wet and while she was beginning to dry herself, she said "take off your pants and masturbate for me".  I removed my shorts, reached for the bottle of lube and started to walk toward her. 

She pointed to the big Jacuzzi tub we have and said "there.  Sit there on the edge of the tub and masturbate for me while I dry myself.  I want to watch you".  I began my task but since I was only 20 seconds or so into it, my cock was getting hard, but wasn't fully hard.  She said "I want to see it hard!"  "Yes Mistress".  Those words were all it took and I was hard as a diamond in another 15 seconds.  It didn't take long for me to arrive at the edge, and it coincided with her finishing drying her hair.  She merely said .... "you may go now" and pointed to the bathroom door.  It's the little things!

It's the little things.  Last evening I was standing at my sink in my bathroom after just changing out of my fancy work clothes'.  I was wearing loose shorts and a t shirt when she walked up behind me, and while pointing at the counter in from of me, said "hands".  She pulled my shorts down just past my ass and began spanking me with her hand.  There were no words and although this wasn't a punishment spanking, it was still firmer than before Mistress decided to amp up the paddling.  She spanked my bare bottom with her hand about 12-13 times and promptly pulled my shorts back up and walked over to her sink on her side of the bathroom, which is about 20 feet away.  On my way out of the bathroom, I walked over to her and stood for a second while she exposed her neck, indicating that is where i should kiss her.  I did just that and then said "Thank you for my spanking Mistress", then left the room.

It's the little things.

Last Night

Two things happened last night.  Two very important and profound things as they relate to my relationship to my Mistress Wife.

First, Mistress and I were on a dinner meeting that we occasionally do in order to review things FLM, including things that either of us may have on our minds, good, bad or indifferent.  It's quiet time away from the kids so we can speak about the things we normally can't talk about at our regular dinner table.  At this meeting, the conversation quickly went to me complaining some about not feeling her control, her dominance, her hands enough.  I whined some about how I was feeling neglected and that I was feeling that we have slowly moved to such a routine in our relationship that I feared that I was being taken for granted. 

(sidebar   -   This seems to be a common theme among some of my very good submissive husband blog friends.  One in particular is I'm Hers who has been posting and commenting on similar feelings he has been having on his blog.  If you aren't familiar with his blog, I encourage you to check it out because it is excellent!!  Here is a link:   http://im-hers.blogspot.com/ ). 

Over the course of my talking about my feelings, and trying to be clear that I wasn't unhappy or anything like that, I was coming like a whiney pussy of a submissive man and not the strong, confident submissive that I am expected to be.  It just started coming out.  Unintentionally, I started blaming Mistress K. for how I was feeling as if our whole FLM dynamic was centered on how I should feel from time to time.

In true, epic form, Mistress K. calmly made me realize two things.  Her love and desire for me was not an ounce less than it ever was and that it continues to grow each day.  She was appreciative of me expressing how I was feeling and very expertly made me understand that although how I was feeling was important to her, it wasn't about me.  It was about her.  She didn't just "shove that part up my ass" and tell me to like it or lump.  No, instead she was able to demonstrate how I am able (and frankly required) to better communicate with her about things that are on my mind, again good, bad or indifferent.    She's not a mind reader after all and if in the course of her very busy life she's not able to recognize my tender feelings fro time to time, it's my obligation to make them more apparent to her.  She was right and in no time, I felt waaaay better.

Out of this discussion came two things that she implemented as part of our routine, daily existence.  Beginning today and until further notice, each morning at precisely 5:55 am, I am to have her steaming hot coffee on her night stand and then I am to wake her gently by using only my kisses on her tummy.  The other thing she established is during those times when I need to talk about a situation that is on my mind, I am to formerly address her as Mistress, ask her permission to speak with her about whatever is on my mind before bring up an issue.  I had a recent post about rituals and how much I appreciate them.  Along those lines, I am so grateful and excited about these two new rituals. 

The other profound and important thing that happened last night was I finally received punishment for ejaculating without permission while at play in bed with Mistress.  I didn't know what to expect leading up to this punishment, especially because Mistress had made it clear before that it would be something that I needed to "mentally prepare" for.  I knew it would significant but didn't know exactly what it would be.  Frankly, my biggest concern was that Mistress K. was going to have me masturbate to a full orgasm immediately preceding her giving me a punishment spanking.  Those are the worst!  In the end, it turned out to be nothing more than the longest, hardest and most painful spanking I have ever received from her.  Good old fashioned blistering on my ass with her trusty pink leather paddle.  I thrashed and wriggled because it was painful but as my spanking went on, I could feel my shame and disappointment leave my body, and my love and devotion to her growing. With each swat, I felt that much more devoted to her, despite the pain. When it was over there were no tears (although they weren't that far off if she had continued) but it hurt and I sweating profusely.  I knew when it was about to begin, that it was going to hurt because Mistress had me get a pillow off the bed, put it on the floor and bury my face in it so the kids could not "hear my screams".  When it was finally over, the aftercare was incredible.  It was nothing more than what we always do .... her holding me and telling me that I am forgiven and that she loves me, but on this occasion, because of the nature of the infraction, I needed to be forgiven.

Afterward she got up and instructed me to get into bed because it was time to sleep.  When she joined me, I asked her if she would like an orgasm this night (like I seem to do every night now) and after thinking about for a second, she said yes.  She ordered me to retrieve her Hitachi-like vibrator and then to kiss and lick her nipples while she used it to bring herself to orgasm.  She had realized that giving me the spanking she gave had made her want to orgasm and for me to have to watch, knowing that it was the pinnacle of sexual pleasure that I would not be enjoying that evening.  It was magical and when she was done, she rolled over and before she could fall asleep, I thanked her for allowing me to witness her orgasm (like I always do), for her being the Dominant Mistress I needed her to be at dinner during our conversation, and for my incredible spanking.

Wake up

I was in bed, sleeping like a baby.  Mistress was in our workout room when I went to bed.  She was working up quite a sweat this night.  She has been working out for a few weeks and she is looking yummy.

I awoke to hear the shower running, then fell back asleep.  Woke again and the shower was still running .... hmm, seems like she's been in there for a long time ... back to sleep.  Then I woke to the sight of my beloved Mistress, standing next to the bed, naked in the backlight of the TV.  Stunning.

She climbed into bed and aggressively moved to the head of the bed, straddled my head and with her hands she merely pushed me down between her legs.  She was in need of service and I was more than happy to oblige.  For me, there is nothing better than to be roused from sleep for the purpose of giving my Mistress oral pleasure.  She made it clear what her intentions where and had zero interest in whether or not I was awake enough or ready.  It was magnificent. 

As she neared orgasm, she informed me that she didn't want to cum until I was inside and ordered me to go get "pinky".  Pinky is a penis extension sleeve that she loves to have me wear sometimes when I am lucky enough to be able to fuck her.  I donned pinky and began to give my horny Mistress the fucking she so desperately wanted.  With the sleeve on, there is little or no direct stimulation to my penis so there is usually little chance that will prematurely reach the edge of orgasm.  That being said, it has happened in the past.  I mean sometimes, the mere sight of Mistress being fucked like a wanton whore is enough to cause me to want to orgasm.  Not on this night though.  Mistress got the fucking she wanted and deserved and it all ended in a glorious orgasm that left her panting heavily, completely satisfied.  At that, I was denied the ability to orgasm. 

After Mistress recovered, she ordered me off the bed and I was to lay on my back on the floor.  This was something new.  Was Mistress going to require me to sleep on the floor next to her bed?  After a minute or so, she climbed off the bed and got on the floor with me.  It seems Mistress recalls me mentioning the day before that my balls had the delicious dull ache that accompanies being overly horny for a period of time.  I posted about it in a previous post .... I'll you'll be milked tonight.

Anyway, Mistress filled her hand with lube and started stroking my cock.  She smeared lube over my bottom hole and slowly pushed a finger inside me and started to massage my prostate and then began to stroke my penis.  It didn't take long before I had to inform Mistress that I was at the edge.  She told me to let it go.  I confirmed with her that she intended for me to orgasm and she said "well, sort of".  Mistress is very in tuned with her submissive husbands body and knows exactly at which point to stop all stimulation in order to induce a ruined orgasm, which is exactly what Mistress had in mind for me.  She did stop stimulation to my cock but continued to massage my prostate as cum began to just pour out of my poor, needy cock.  Copious amounts of cum began to pool on my tummy antul no more was going to come out.  When she was, she smiled at me and said "there lover, that should help ease the pressure in your balls", and got up to go to the bathroom.  "Wait here" she said.  She was in there for about 2 minutes as I laid still on the floor, with a giant pool of cum on my tummy.  She returned with a towel, threw it to me and told me to clean up.  I gather the cum in the towel, grabbed pinky, which was laying on the floor next to me, and went into the bathroom to clean everything.

When I returned to bed, the sight of my beautiful wife, comfortable laying there under the covers, sexually satisfied with a smile on her face, made my heart soar.  I thought to myself how very grateful I am to have such a beautiful Mistress that cares for me so much.

Objectification. It's the little things

I was in the shower this morning getting ready to go to work.  Mistress returned from taking the kids to school and stood in the entry to the shower to tell me a story she had just heard on the radio about a cat that was thought to be dead, was buried, then clawed it's way out of the grave and is alive.  It was an interesting story.

While I was washing myself and rinsing my hair under the warm water, she was looking at me in a way that made me feel she really enjoyed what she was seeing.  When we were through talking about the cat story, she reached for a small wash cloth and placed it on the floor of the shower.  She told me put some soap in my hand and then told me to kneel on the small cloth.  I was instructed to masturbate for her.  I was not erect when I was given these instructions but started to masturbate anyway.  She likes to have me masturbate for her, I think partly because she just likes to watch and partly because she likes to allow me to because I no longer am able to masturbate like i did before we entered this glorious life that we lead. 

She said "I don't want to watch you stroke a limp cock.  Get it hard for me."  Even though i was limp, I was at the edge of orgasm.  She didn't care, and repeated her instruction to get it hard.  It was very much like what is expected in a "Devotional Sex" relationship where the man (knight) is expected to reveal his penis and then become erect when the woman (Princess) utters the word "present".  My erection was on it's way, albeit slower than either of us wanted.  The moment she raised an eyebrow as if to project that failure to become erect immediately would result in disappointment, I became hard as a rock!  This pleased Mistress to no end and as such, she lifted the pajama top she was wearing to reveal her breasts and torso and moved toward where I was kneeling, and offered them to me to worship.  I so much love to worship Mistress' breasts and tummy, and especially that part between her belly button and her, um, promised land.  After only a few minutes, she told me to stop, finish my shower and then get ready for work.  She told me (for the 3rd day in a row) to just dress normal under my clothes today.  Since starting our FLM, there has never been a 3rd day in a row that Mistress has instructed me not to wear something.  It's rarely ever 2 days in a row for that matter. 

Did I feel objectified by Mistress during this impromptu little scene?  Yes I did.  Did I enjoy being objectified by Mistress?  YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!  There is hardly anything I enjoy more than performing sexually for Mistress' viewing pleasure.  I just love it when she tells me to do it, whether it is masturbating while she watches or showing her how I fuck my self with the dildo she has for me.  When it is not something planned like this morning, it is especially rewarding.

Thank you Mistress!

Watching Her Sleep

It's nearly 8 am on a Sunday morning and I just went into our bedroom to see if Mistress might be stirring.  I wanted to prepare her coffee so I could hand it right to her literally seconds after she opened her eyes.   She wasn't stirring!  Instead she was still sleeping like a beautiful Angel Baby Goddess.  I couldn't help but stand there for a few moments and drink it all in.

Yep, it's that time again

Being Thankful ......................

there are so many obvious things in each of our lives to be thankful for.  Our families, our friends and everyone that we love and that loves us.

That being said, I think it is important to say who and what we are thankful for.

• I am thankful for my beautiful family.  I have the most amazing kids, the most amazing wife and live a life that I only dreamed of when I was a young man, and was wondering how my life would be when i was the age that I am. 
• I am thankful for being a completely loved husband in a loving Female dominated marriage with Mistress K., and all of the joy that comes with it.
• I am thankful for having been officially collared by my wife, the beautiful Mistress K. just one short month ago.
• I am thankful that Mistress K. owns my orgasms and owns all my sexual activities.
• I am thankful that Mistress K. is not the kind of Mistress that restricts visual and physical access to her beautiful body.
• I am thankful that Mistress K. loves me enough to correct me with punishments each time she believes it is necessary to do so.
• I am thankful for being kept in constant, voluntary chastity.
• I thankful for the ability to be able to express myself in this blog, and for the it's ability to be able to create new friends along the way.  Even though as a group, we are (kind of) "weird", we are a very loyal, lovable and intelligent group and I adore my time spent with each one of you
• I am thankful that each day Mistress decides what I will wear or in my body that will be a constant reminder of my dedication of servitude to her that day.
• I am thankful that today Mistress K. has instructed me to wear both my glass butt plug and my favorite pair of red, lacy thong panties.

I am so looking forward to the future as Mistress K. and I continue to discover the depths of our love and dedication to each other.  I am excited to continue to learn and to continue to have my/our limits tested and expanded.

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you, my beloved friends, followers and lurkers!

Post Script edit .... I've reached a milestone of sorts.  this is my 200th post.  yay!