I came across this little article that discusses whether "Happy Couples Masturbate". Here it is:
I wasn't much surprised from reading the article. These types of articles reveal similar information each time one is published. People discussing how natural it is and that every does it (and we do). The more there is "conversation" going on about sexual things that were once only discussed behind closed doors or in Penthouse Forum articles, the better as far as I am concerned. I've also noticed an increases in titillating articles such as this one since the movie depicting America's latest obsession came out over the weekend. Again, I think it's nice.
One thing that you'll notice in the article is that when describing happy couples that masturbate, they talk only about the woman that masturbates, again in the context of a "happy couple" .... whatever that might be. In fact, in this article and others, they point out that the more unhappy the marriage is, the more frequently the man in the relationship will masturbate. I wholeheartedly agree that this little factoid is true. I'll even suggest that one could turn that a around a bit and be just as accurate ..... the more the man masturbates, the more unhappy his marriage becomes." Kind of a "chicken-and-the-egg" syndrome. It's very likely in my opinion that they are both entirely true and have a direct correlation to each other.
Over the weekend, Mistress and I were talking and extoling the virtues of our relationship. We were both prideful and beaming about how wonderfully our FLM has gone and that we are so much more in love, in lust and in tune with each other than we have ever been before. We are connecting on a level so much deeper than either of us could've imagined when we first fell in love, and even when we first crossed over into our FLM. I firmly believe that none of this would've been possible if it wasn't for one core principle in our Female Led Marriage ....... a complete and utter prohibition for me to masturbate without approval from Mistress, and under the direct supervision of Mistress.
Be fore our FLR, I masturbated at least three times a week. Usually in the shower and it was usually impromptu. Each time, in the back of my mind, I knew that I was letting some of my lust, some of my passion, wash away and down the shower drain. I wouldn't hide it from my (then vanilla) wife. We were open about things then too. I masturbated not because I was unhappy with my wife. Not at all. I did it because I could, whenever I was horny I just did it. You know, "if it feels good do it" mentality. Little did I know then that what I was doing was depriving my marriage, my wife and myself from the otherwise available sexual energy that was now just swirling down the drain every other day or so in the shower.
This very topic was one of the main reasons for my desire to formerly ask my wife if she would consider becoming my Mistress Wife. I am prohibited from touching myself sexually in any way, even in the tiniest way. I am only allowed to touch any part of my body in a non-sexual way and the obvious sexual parts of my body I am only allowed to touch for naturally occurring things or to clean them. Mistress trusts me implicitly in this regard and I have never even considered breaking that trust. Knock on wood. To do so would mean enforced chastity (cock cage) or severe punishments, or both.
All this being said and with the complete loss of freedom to touch myself sexually, and with the rare orgasms, sometimes rare teasing and denial, I have never had better more loving sex in my entire life. I couldn't be happier and the true, down in the soul, deep, deep love that I genuinely have for my Goddess Queen Wife has never been better.
Have a great week everybody!
I have to agree with you. Even though my context is a D/s relationship where my husband is the Dominant, if he is masturbating, then all is not right with our world. I am only allowed to masturbate with his permission, and most often in his presence. And in a strange way, that has helped strengthen our relationship.
ReplyDeleteA great post!
thank you Collared Mom. For the vanilla me, i would've agreed that in a strange way it has helped strengthen our relationship. For the submissive-husband me, it makes complete sense and as Mistress K. and i have discussed, it is one of the anchor points of what amounts to a better life for our entirely family. In all aspects of life, not merely sexually ....... which was our goal all along.
DeleteThank you again.
Hi Sub Hub
ReplyDeleteThis is very topical for me right now. I was clearly in the "if it feels good, do it camp". There was also justification in my mind for doing it based on our differing libidos. I was masturbating at least once a day. Was it harming our relationship? Right at this point in time I would have said no. Whilst it was not out in the open my wife was well aware of my sex drive and I think tolerated it. Now I am about to find out if my thoughts on this are incorrect. I suspect that they are, like many other 'truths' that this journey challenges and debunks.
Whilst things are developing slowly, one rule that has been enacted is to forbid me to masturbate without permission, which has been slightly modified to I am only allowed to masturbate on Wednesday (we agreed I would badger her initially and annoy her so this was a compromise but I suspect this will be short lived once I learn I that am not going to die just because I can't wank when I want to). This rule was put in place on Sunday, so very very new and Wednesday is still a day away.
So the question in my mind is: “If she isn't sure if she really wants control in our marriage, why has she enacted this particular rule?” Is it because she really was hurt by my masturbation but had no way of telling me before because it probably would have meant she would have felt compelled to consent to more intercourse to keep the peace.
Now that she has a way to express her true feelings and exert her wishes on me, this is the second rule she imposes (no porn was the first, but that goes back several months). QED.
Once again that you for stimulating this discussion. DtBHC.
I think she is sure. For whatever this is worth, and please don't take it the wrong way, your being allowed to masturbate on Wednesdays likely has a significant negative affect on the progress you hope to achieve in your journey to a true FLM lifestyle. It makes her control conditional and while it is not my place to opine on how others conduct themselves, I can tell you that for me ....... it needed to complete and utter surrender of control, and even then, it also needed to happen that when i was whiney, pissy, moany about how things were going the way I wanted them, Mistress K. basically had to tell me that she would no longer tolerate my topping from the bottom and that I had a choice to make, it was her way of doing this or there was going to be no FLM. I chose to recognize that event though i thought i wasn't topping from the bottom, I in fact was. Not on purpose mind you. I thought I was being helpful in assisting Mistress K. while she was trying to find her way. I will always love her for recognizing that and for taking that stand. Our FLM immediately started to soar and we haven't looked back since. Oh, I will sometimes fall off the wagon and try to steer Mistress in a direction I'd like her to go, but now, if it becomes too much of an annoyance for her, I get the paddle, which allows me to refocus my efforts.
DeletePerhaps you might try not to over-analyze things so much and not worry about what it all might mean, and instead just let it happen. I think you'll find that she will subconsciously find comfort in that and will be able to find her way toward the kind of Dominant Wife she ultimately wants to be. Which, I assume, is what you want as well.
The rule for me is that any touching of my genitals that isn't necessary to clean it, shave it or use it for the other purpose nature intended, is strictly prohibited. once that rule was put into place, it wasn't uncommon for Mistress to summon me before her to masturbate to the edge for her viewing pleasure. Recently in fact, on a morning when we had the house all to ourselves, Mistress wanted to take a bath. We have an enormous bath tub and there is a good sized ledge all around it. While Mistress was lounging in the bath, she decided that she wanted to have me standing on the ledge at the foot of her bath, and entertain her by standing there quietly and simply masturbating. She summoned me in, had me put on my nice, tight, cock-ring and begin to entertain her. Sometimes she would look and watch with a smile on her face, other times she'd act like i wasn't even there. yet my instructions were clear ... masturbate until i was told to stop. Mistress even took a nice 3 minute long video on her phone (much of it in slow motion) for her to be able view at her leisure.
Do I regret not being able to masturbate? Not at all. Now I masturbate plenty. Maybe even more now than I did before I was prohibited from doing it. The difference of course being i am instructed when to do it, and I am never allowed to finish to orgasm. How yummy!
SubHub, Nice post. I do agree with the premise and wonder if, when one finds real happiness the cards just seem to fall in place. You have found submission to Mistress K draws you closer, she gives you a simple restriction - don't do it unless I say so - and so you willingly comply - because you feel loved, and that makes you more horny, more doting, more affectionate, and view her with more love, and on and on it goes. ONe thing builds on the other and together all of those little things come together to make your love for her, and hers for you so beautiful. Now, the key is to spot a red flag when we see some small thing change and bring it to our spouses attention so that 'wrong' can be righted.
ReplyDeleteYou know your wisdom is always appreciated IH. Mistress K. and I both have our red-flag-radar always on in sensitive mode as we make our journey.
DeleteThank you as always for your thoughtful post my friend!
I agree with you sub hub. Being submissive is all about her controlling you or in my case my wife controlling me. If she wants a certain activity to take place it will, or an activity will cease at her direction. Yes we do masturbate together we love to watch each other she is usually sitting on the sofa with a vibrator and I stand before her masturbating. At times I've also been told I have to climax just using a vibrator usually our magic wand. She has also had me stand with panties on and a vibrating bullet in my panties and I can't ;touch anything just feel the vibrator. She loves it when I cum filling my panties and the wet spot covers me. of course I have to catch it as it leaks right out. But for us masturbation is a fun activity.
ReplyDeletearchedone
Oh my goodness archedone ........... that's hot stuff. Thank you.
DeleteThe fact she has taken away your right to even touch yourself sexually, much less cum without her permission, is the essence of a FLR. It makes you feel very submissive to know that she now controls your cock. She understands that if you are to be controlled, it has to start with your sexuality and your cock. And she controls it even without putting you in a cock cage. This is your lifestyle now and there is no going back. You obey her in all aspects of your life, starting with your cock.
ReplyDeleteFD
IN deed there is no going back ............ this is my life and I couldn't be happier.
DeleteI would've made a separate post for this, but it was so "on topic" with this post, I thought I'd just update. As an aside and while on this topic ... this very morning, not 2 minutes ago, I have returned from being summoned from the bathroom. Mistress called me in while she was showering and simply told me to entertain her while she showered. She told me to put lube in my hand and to just stand, masturbating for her viewing pleasure. "Cup your ball and play with them", she said. My left made it's way to my ass and as I slipped a finger inside, she moaned a little in delight.
ReplyDeleteShe swears she didn't read my blog and saw my post from yesterday about this very thing. God I love this woman.
I am allowed to touch myself and also to masturbate so long as I ask permission. But, during the course of the past year, the times that I have felt to do either when we are not together has become a rarity. The essence of my submission is about the way in which He controls me, and much of that is about Him touching me and me Him He loves to see me masturbate and He also loves me to watch Him. Of course, there are also the times when it is a mutual thing (times, actually it is quite frequent). But for me it is about the control, about the fact I do not own my own body nor my orgasms. What I know is that it works for us. You, know this is a great topic for a blog post......
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more Julie. For me, it is all about the control as well. Knowing that I am not allowed to have self pleasure in any way without explicit authorization/instruction from Mistress K., and while in her presence, makes me feel safe, owned and loved. I don't not own my orgasms either and on the rare occasion I am allowed to have one, I know that it is a very special gift from Mistress K.
DeleteThank you for commenting.
I think the other thing to say is that He doesn't masturbate when we are in the same house, but not together. However, since we don't live together, I am pretty sure there are times when He does so without my knowledge. I have no problem with this, but suspect anyway it isn't a frequent occurrence. Great to comment on your blog sub hub in phx xxx
ReplyDeleteThere is a difference of course as to whether the dominant masturbates or doesn't. In my relationship, Mistress K. of course is free to masturbate in any way she may want, at any time she wants, whether it in my presence or not. She will usually tell me about it but only in a way to let me know that she had sexual pleasure, and not because of some sort of obligation she feels that I should know> She simply tells me because she understands how much pleasure I get from the mere knowledge that she had an orgasm.
DeleteTaking control of elliot's sexuality is critical to our FLR. I keep him utterly chaste and, recently, simply for my own amusement, caged his little cockette.
ReplyDeleteI will have him masturbate from time to time but milking is an alternative which keeps him attentive.
I personally rarely masturbate having trained elliot to fulfil my needs. And, realistically, he seems to enjoy offering me his oral submission.
Thank Hannah Jay for taking the time to comment. I totally agree that the dominant's control of the submissive's orgasm (all sexual activity is most cases ... like mine) is absolutely essential. I am also kept utterly chaste, although I rarely wear my cock cage anymore.
DeleteMistress K. has me masturbate for her for a number of reasons. Not the least of which she enjoys having me performing before her. Milking is something that we do but it is rare. It's not that Mistress is anti-milking (after all, it is the ultimate "ruined orgasm") but rather with our hectic lives, it is simply easier for her to relieve me of built up semen but giving me a ruined orgasm.
I so very much enjoy your blog and am honored that you have taken the time to stop by and comment. Thank you.
sub hub, not sure if you will see this post or not but I've been busy doing some home construction so not much spanking or playing going on. This morning (Thur) my wife told me there will be no work on Sat and it's going to be a spanking playing day. All she told me so far was I was to wear my white see-thru panties and she was going to keep my bottom red all day. I'll post what happens.
ReplyDeletearchedone
Of course i see this post archedone, and I appreciate you commenting on it, even if it isn't a "latest post".
DeleteI can't wait to hear about how your spanking day turns out. I haven't been subject to too many spankings lately. I attribute that to me being a "good boy" more frequently, which brings much pleasure to Mistress K., which is the whole idea. Being as I am not perfect, that of course will change and I know I'll have a date with the paddle again soon enough.
Oh this is a good topic. I believe that if your marriage is on track you don't need to masterbate (or at least not often). I do it at least twice a week because I do not get sex very often. I am trying to stop because, like you said, it diminishes my desire to actually have sex. But as an example, I told hubby on Sunday "I need to have sex at some point today." I was THAT bold. And nothing came of it. So Monday when he went to work, I took care of it myself. My justification was that I asked him to fulfill my needs and he didn't so I was in my rights to fill them myself. But I am still VERY frustrated by it. Yes, we have a happy marriage, but not always a fulfilling one.
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke. So nice to hear from you. Thank you for stopping by.
DeleteI'm sad for you that your husband doesn't seem to fulfill you sexually and I hope that this situation is only temporary for you. May I ask? Are you allowed to masturbate without permission or did you do so outside the rules of your relationship with your husband?
My thought on masturbation in a D/s marriage is ... I believe that the submissive should never masturbate, unless being instructed to so. the Dominant however, should feel free to masturbate whenever they want to, even in order to demonstrate to the submissive that their orgasms are owned by their Dominant. In a vanilla marriage, I can tell you from experience that when I would masturbate, I truly was taking away from the sex life that my was otherwise entitled to. Over time, my sexuall needs were mostly being met by my right hand and it made it all to easy to avoid sex with my wife. Of course all that has changed so much for the better once we began our FLM.
Thank you again for stopping by. Good luck and I hope to hear from you again soon.
Hi SHIP! I am allowed to masterbate unfortunately. We do not have a D/s dynamic, no matter how badly I want one. I work on being more submissive every day, but my husband is no Dom. So as such, I took matters into my own hands. I hate doing it though as I know that my desire for him diminishes when I do. I agree with your feeling on the subject, but when no rules or consequences are in place it is easy to do the wrong thing.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear that for you Brooke. I hope that you find what you seek and need. I really do. I understand completely.
Delete