Ethical non-monogamy. It's a thing.
Like with most things in life, broad and overly vague application of labels tends to cause confusion and misunderstanding, especially in electronic forms of communication .... like blogs for instance. I don't want there to be any confusion about how Mistress K. feels about the subject, or how I feel about the subject so I'll try to be careful on how I use labels here.
OK, enough about all that. I'll start by telling you that Mistress K. has not had sex with another man (or woman) and currently has no desire to do so. After tons of soul searching, wondering, even fantasizing about my beautiful Mistress Wife was having sex with another man, I've come to the conclusion that there would be only one way my head (and heart) could handle such a thing. That would be .... having the man be there for one reason, and one reason only, and then leave ... rendering him nothing more than a human sex toy for my wife to enjoy.
I know I may be slicing the baloney really thin here. I fully understand that many women that have married for a long time (21 years) never really have the opportunity to experience the newness and the butterflies that come at the beginning of a new romantic and sexual relationship. No matter how much she loves her husband, and no matter how much he successfully continues to court her and demonstrate his devotion to her, she will (likely) never be able to experience the wonder of where a new romantic and sexual relationship.
Therein lies the problem, at least for me. In a burgeoning new non-monogamous, potentially recurring romantic and sexual relationship with another man, what exactly would be the hope? It logically would be that they would hit it off, find a spark and begin the journey of seeing where it goes, romantically and sexually, then leading to a deeper, more love inspired connection, which for someone like me (and Mistress K.) is playing fire. If things went well ... it would only be a matter of time when that fire actually burns one or all of the people involved. I realize there are plenty of exceptions to this but each of those are likely coming from either an already agreed upon polyamorous relationship, or a relationship wherein the husband truly does want for his wife to fall in love with someone else, and not just him. We are neither of those.
Those of you that have read some of this blog likely know that one of my greatest sexual pleasure is witnessing Mistress K. wallowing in sexual pleasure, and of course the subsequent orgasms they produce. Of course seeing here receive sexual bliss from another person would be included in that. It hasn't happened because Mistress K. has said she doesn't want it to happen and if she continues to never want it to happen, then of course it will not happen. If that were to change and she wanted to (in whatever form she decided), I know that I would support her in that endeavor. My level of trust in her is immense and I know that I could feel confident that any decision like that she might make, however unlikely, would not do anything to hurt me or our marriage.
Like I said, I've been wallowing in these feelings for the past few months. Everything from great excitement and arousal, to great fear of destroying the greatest thing I have in my life, and everything in between. The self loathing. Asking myself ... what the fuck are you thinking? Also asking myself, why would deny your beloved Mistress Wife any sexual pleasure she may decide that she would want? Guh ....
In the end, if there was to be such a major change in our lifestyle to include Mistress K. having sex with another (or woman), that it would require tons of communication, caretaking of each other's hearts and desires, and the establishment of boundaries. If such a thing were to happen, my boundaries would have to include that her lover would have leave immediately after the sex concluded. No hanging around for dinner or sleeping over cuz it's so late ... none of that. It would also to include no subsequent contact (texting, emails, phones, etc.) that didn't include both of us.
This post has been sitting in my "draft" folder for some time. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to go here, but here I am. The only thing that matters in the end is what Mistress K. wants. But ... if she were to ask me want what I "wanted", I'd tell her that I want to see her have amazing sex with another man (or woman) and then he (or she) would leave right after. I'd like that. Hell, before wallowing in these new boundary feelings I would always let Mistress K. know that when she went to her massage appointments, that she should encourage her practitioner to venture into "erotic massage" territory. To my knowledge, she never has.
Oddly enough, I was able cement my feelings on this by viewing a random naughty picture on the BDSMLR blog site about cuckolding. The picture was a man and a woman, post sex, in bed in the morning and in an obvious tender, loving moment. She was cuddled up close facing/kissing him and he was gently stroking her back. The caption from the cucked husband was (paraphrasing) "OMG, what now? I feel asleep in the other room last and he was supposed to leave last night right after they were though" There were also a number of broken heart emoji's.
Thanks for listening.
A few months ago, I developed a similar interest in cuckolding. Not necessarily as a live option, but as a fantasy or a possibility. For me, the impetus was a female commenter on my blog who posted a comment about her having a lover that her husband knew about.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it's a pretty academic interest/fantasy, because I don't think my wife has the slightest interest. Even if she did, I'm pretty sure I would ultimately back away from it because, as you say, I think it is playing with fire. I don't personally know anyone in my "real life" who is openly into cuckolding, but I have known people who are into swinging and, in every one of those cases, the marriage has ultimately fallen apart because of things that happened with the swinging relationship. In one case, the husband thought he wanted to see his wife get fucked by another man, but couldn't handle the reality of it. Another was closer to your concern. The wife started flirting and engaging in ongoing contact with one of their swinging partners, without letting her husband know she was doing that. He found out and took it as a breach of trust. While the abstract thought of my wife having sex with someone else does have some attraction, like you tend to think I would get very jealous or hurt if it went beyond a one-time thing with no emotional attachment, and in the real world it's too hard to control that happening. And, if she were to want to explore sex with someone else, I think I would want to hear about it but not see it.
Hi Dan. Long time no see. Hope all is well in your world and thanks so much for your comment. I've heard similar stories associated with "sharing" and it seems all of them included an on-going with a person or people. Indeed, playing with fire.
DeleteThanks again for stopping by
Hi sub hub, thank you for sharing your perspective on this. I don't think sex with anyone else, for either of us would work for us, although I think I can understand the attraction to cuckolding.
ReplyDeleteI think this would require a lot of communication and trust between all parties and a lot of work to ensure everyone feels secure in their individual place (for want of a better term) in the relationship.
Hugs
Roz
Hello Roz. You know how much I love to hear from you. After all the mental gymnastics, arousal, excitement, fear, anguish, fear of anguish, fear of making a spark that lights a forest fire (seems like a lot of fear, huh? *smile), I think I have conveniently been able to make the distinction between a one time, wham-bam-thank-you-Maam with a stud that would fuck her good and rock her world, and then leave immediately after; and cuckolding/hotwifing. Technically, by definition, I suppose it would be cuckolding ... but I'm going to go ahead and refuse that definition.
Delete"The relationship"? There would have to be no relationship other than the sex. And yes, there would still need need to be a ton of communication and yes, everyone would need to feel secure in the individual place. yes.
Thanks again my dear. Love seeing you in my comments.
Speaking from experience, things usually don't work out as you plan or want, and second, it is all up to the woman. Looking back it was pretty easy to pick up on if a woman was the type to be into it, with or without your knowledge. Some of us, it is these women that we are attracted to for one reason or another, and we are in it for the ride. You shouldn't fault yourself for fantasizing about it, and many times the fantasies are better than the reality. With that said there, are exceptions you just have to put up with the bad to experience the good.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Anonymous. I completely agree and understand that the fantasy is likely way better than the reality. Mostly because the reality is like ringing a bell and as we all know, you can't un-ring a bell. So if the bell ringing hurts your ears, and you thought it would be music to your ears, it can be painful.
Delete