Still here and there are no black helicopters landing in my yard, so I guess I can go on.
There are some guys out there that can have full on orgasms one after the other. They can do it on cue, after having been stimulated for a long time. These guys are called porn stars! *smile
There are others, like me, that react to ruined orgasms in a very profound and positive way. I have actually come to prefer ruined orgasms over full on orgasms for one reason and one reason only. When done correctly, they actually do allow my sexual desire for my beloved Mistress to go uninterrupted. Also, it allows Mistress a viable way to give a sexual reward when Mistress believes my behavior has warrant a sexual reward. I have come to so look forward to the singular feeling of having my ejaculate just pump or drain out of my body after having been edged. Love it. I'm convinced that the source of this pleasure comes from the knowledge that after having a ruined orgasm, I am actually able to have several more (ruined) orgasms immediately following the first, and still honestly have little (if any) drop in my desire for my beautiful Mistress Wife. Conversely, when I know I am going to have a full on orgasm, there is a very real thought in my mind that regrets knowing that there will be a period of time that follows that I have a natural loss of sexual desire for my wife, and I know that in that state, I cannot be the best loving, submissive husband I can be.
Admittedly, there are times when Mistress wants to give me only a ruined orgasm and fails to stop the stimulation soon enough, causing what amounts to somewhat of an actual orgasm. When this happens, there is a drop in my desire that confounds and disappoints both of us, but I attribute that to the orgasm not being all the way ruined.
I'm convinced that every successful FLM/FLR's all have one thing in common. The submissive male actually, genuinely and truly exists in that relationship for one reason .... to serve and be a primary source of pleasure for his beloved wife, and to get his only source of sexual pleasure from her, in a manner in which she deems fit. OK, that's two things in common.
To an outsider looking in, it wouldn't seem logical or even possible for what I am saying here to be true. I mean really ... what man in there right mind would actually feel that a ruined orgasm is preferred over a full on orgasm? A submissive husband that lives in a loving Female Led Marriage, that's who. Looking back on the goals that I hoped to achieve when I first started thinking about FLM, and thinking about current and recurring goals of using the actual desire (sexual and otherwise) I have for my beautiful Mistress K., the fact that ruined orgasms prevent a decline in that desire is enough for me to prefer them over full orgasms.
There is one thing I for which I am certain ... Since entering in our FLM, I have had "eleventy-billion" times fewer orgasms than I have had at given time in my life ... and my sex life has never been better. For me, my life is a sex life because of the constant state of desire for this one woman that owns my sex. What a wonderful place to be.
"eleventy-billion" is an awfully high number! =)
ReplyDeleteAnd, I see you got your bootie picture back.
Yeah, I know that is a high number, but then again, I exaggerate a million times a day. *smile
DeleteYes, the bootie picture is back, although it was a different picture than one before. All red and smarting!
That is very interesting. Sir of tens discusses a similar frustration, after he orgasms it essentially ends the scene. I think that bothers him to either have to save his pleasure until the very end (kind of defeats the purpose) or end a scene before he wants to. Good for you two to find what works for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Collared Mom. It's a burden we men have been conditioned with over the years.
DeleteHi Sub Hub
ReplyDeleteThank you for the very interesting topic and I agree wholeheartedly.
I am in that positron right now. I have only just started having my orgasms controlled and the longest we have gone so far is a week. I have also noticed that for the days following a full orgasm my mental state declines sharply, especially on the second day after. Edging helps restore the desire but so far seems to take up to 4 days to recover. I have previously seen this explained, now I actually understand.
Since this started I have had 4 orgasms and ‘missed out’ on approx 17 that I would have given myself through masturbating. I am actually happier as a result and I know my wife is also. Last night I messed up and I was denied her teasing for the first time as a punishment and the impact of that was quite profound. Another first which I might explore in a post.
As she still worries about taking control she sort of hinted that I would be given an orgasm this morning. Here I sit wondering what will happen. I am seriously considering petitioning her to either tease me to the point of orgasm and stop, or to get her to try for a ruined orgasm rather than have a full orgasm. I just need to be careful not to top from the bottom, but we did discuss this aspect and she has asked me to be fairly direct in our conversations so she can understand where my head is at to help guide her as she works through this.
So yes, I now appreciate your position on this and have to agree that it is indeed preferable to not have full orgasms all that often. Something I would not have ever thought desirable until a week or two ago.
I will post later today what actually happened so as not keep you in suspense.
I enjoy reading your insights on this as it acts as encouragement to keep me on this journey.
Hi DtBHC, thanks as always for stopping by and commenting. You mentioned "since this thing started ......" How long has that been?. When did you start. Do you have the dynamic where your wife controls your sex, your orgasms and ejaculations completely?
DeleteThe reason I ask is because I noticed you used the term "missed out" when describing orgasms that you would've had through masturbating. Hopefully you may start naturally considering that the only orgasms/ejaculations that you 'miss out' on are the ones that your wife said you could, then changed her mind. For me anyway, once I gave up control of my orgasms, somehow I don't feel like I am missing anything and therefore am able to be genuinely grateful for the orgasms, ruined or otherwise, that Mistress allows me to have.
A bit of advice, see if you can find comfort in abandoning completely the idea that your needs have any primary importance. Like me early in our FLM, I suspect that you will only help to prevent your wife from finding the natural level of comfort on her own. I know you want to e careful not to top from the bottom, but that's exactly what is happening, albeit with a great deal of subtlety. It's where her head is that matters and it's important to allow her the space to figure out on her own where her head naturally is.
For whatever it is worth to you my friend, all of your words and descriptions sound very familiar. Sounds a lot like some of the struggles I went through early on in my FLM. It wasn't until I was able to completely allow Mistress to determine what she wanted and how she wanted, with NO subtle or direct influence from, that our FLM really began to take off. If your desire to be a submissive husband in loving FLM is truly based on your desire that she is comfortable, happy, satisfied, you have to let her find her own way.
Thanks again for coming by. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Hi SubHub, thanks for the words of advice.
DeleteYes all of what you say is true. I somehow think though that some of this is may be the natural evolution of the relationship and be necessary where the wife is reluctant or unsure of taking the control. Would I want her to be a natural at this, you bet, but that is not her. Would I like her to be curious about this, yes. Is she, no. Would I like her to be confident in sexually dominating me, of course. At the moment this makes her very uncomfortable.
N has stated that she doesn't need this for the relationship to work. Baby steps is where we are going. Am I still topping? Yes, but ever so slowly, less so. In time we both will get to the necessary mind sets, whatever that is as defined in our relationship. Having been together 27 years we bring a hell of a lot of emotional baggage with us, so whilst not the purist way, this will become our and in time, her way.
Your path sounds similar and I think N and I need to make some of the same mistakes as they provide opportunities to discuss things about how we both feel. N struggles with the concept and if I didn't do this bit of pushing at the moment I don't think we will ever move to the dynamic. In terms of timing, I've been looking at this for around seven months, for N around two. So no time at all.
Yesterday did not end well and that will be a topic for a new post soon. However, between my ‘sulking’ on Friday night and events on Saturday morning and the open communication around all of this, N has agreed to read Mistress Ivey’s book. She even read three chapters last night. For me this is very comforting and I feel that I now need to sit back, drop all ‘topping’, strap in and enjoy the ride. Life is good.
Hi sub hub, I'm sorry I am so behind here. This was really interesting and I agree with Pearl, eleventy billion seems a lot :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
You never need to apologize to me Roz. I always appreciate you taking the time to show interest here. Thank you!
DeleteI did a little accounting and the number is actually eleventy billion and 50. Oh well.
XOXO
The fact that you have fewer orgasms but your sex life is better shows how well she controls you and how you need and crave her control. It will be interesting to see if she continues to cut back on the number of orgams you have to make you feel her power over you even stronger. It may get to the point where you are hoping she doesn't give you an orgasm so you can feel her control even more intensely.
ReplyDeleteFD
Hi FD. Thanks for saying hi.
DeleteI don't know ...... One of the big thrills about being denied orgasms is knowing that someday (not any day soon) that an actual orgasm is something that will actually. I imagine that if I was denied real, full orgasms for the rest of my life altogether, thins would be different. I don't know, I've never actually thought about it form that perspective. interesting.
Thank you again friend.
Your Mistress is so nice to you, giving you the ruined orgasms you need so you stay attentive for her. As I have said before my wife like me to squirt for her but I do have a question. A ruined orgasm does it just kind of seep out slowly? Once she was giving me oral and when she knew I was just about to cum and squeezed my cock and it felt like I was cumming but nothing came out. Did I experience a ruined orgasm?
ReplyDeletearchedone
Hi archedone. Thanks again for stopping by. On to your question ............ When I am given/allowed a ruined orgasm, it doesn't just ooze out slowly. It spurts out, at least for me. The exception is that when I am milked, it just seeps out, but that's an altogether different kind of ejaculation.
DeleteWithout experiencing exactly what you experienced, I couldn't tell you if you had a ruined orgasm or not. It sounds like you in fact did have an orgasm but the cum was physically prevented to leaving your body.
Thanks for the comment and questions.
Interesting article...thanks for your comments. My ruined orgasms almost always come just prior to a spanking, which makes them doubly disappointing. While I'm weearing only my panties, She's fully clothed, with the paddle near by. Lowering my panties just enough to stroke me, She's become quite adept at edging me JUST to the point of orgasm and then pulling my panties back up, so I have my ruined orgasm into my panties. Within seconds, my spanking starts, usually with my panties pulled up so I'm bare, but my penis is still in my soaked panties, which I'm required to wear the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteWe DO have interesting lives,don't we? Thanks, again
michael
Oh boy, I hate those spankings that come after an orgasm. When Mistress wants me to experience a particularly harsh spanking, she will have me orgasm (full) because of course, it is much, much harder to endure a spanking after dopamine levels have dropped off following an orgasm.
DeleteOh buy yes, we do live interesting lives to be sure! Thanks for coming by Michael
On this subject, I seem to recall that Mistress K gave you a spectacular full orgasm just before you went on a fishing trip with the guys for a few days. There is no down side for either of you to do that -- you're gone while you may have had your drop in sexual energy. She must really love you to do that for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are correct, and that was the one full orgasm I was allowed to have this year. I agree, perfect timing because my lack of sexual desire was during a time when I was with my buddies and not with Mistress. Of course by the time I got home, incredible desire was back!
DeleteHi sub hub, you explained the idea of ruined orgasm and what benefits there are for you well, so that I can understand this, I think. And I love how much you put your Mistress first, out of love. This is awesome and I definitely get you there.
ReplyDeletehugs
Nina
What an incredibly nice thing to say Nina. I appreciate it so much. In the very beginning, while I was deciding if I wanted to present the idea to my wife, I kept going back to one important anchor-point, and that was in order for this to actually work, I had to truly and genuinely be able to try and put my Mistress' pleasure before mine, especially sexual pleasure. I can't tell you how much our life has improved because of one thing .... she taking ownership of my sex. Ironically, I have never had more sex in my entire life while never having so few orgasms.
DeleteThank you again for the nice words and for taking the time to comment.
"Still here and there are no black helicopters landing in my yard, so I guess I can go on."
ReplyDeleteThat, made me giggle. lol.
Sitting here with coffee and catching up with all your wonderful posts. As I said before, I still think the way you see your ruined orgasms is so awesome, and makes you so very strong as a submissive!
Miss you, brother sub. xx
Always a special joy to see you in comments. It's especially nice to know I made you giggle. I miss you too Amber. Hope all is well in your world!
DeleteThings are going ok, thank you brother sub. :) Been spending a lot of time with my head stuck in code for Brattopia.com, but it's getting there. :) Now time to play catch up over here with everyone. :)
DeleteAnd, you always make me smile or giggle, one way or another. :) xxoo
I'm all signed up for Brattopia and can't wait to follow your lusty adventures. Let's catch up, shall we?
DeleteYay, thank you brother sub! Very happy to have you there. And yes pleassse, definitely time for catch up! I have a post I am working on, per request about squirting, after that, I will email you this weekend here at some point, I have something to ask you anyway! :)
DeleteOhhhh, something to ask? OK then, bring it on! Loving your new site. It's so professional looking. Congratulations!
DeleteThank you so much! I've been working really hard on it, and have a lot of exciting ideas coming soon! Which is actually what I wanted to ask you about. I am opening a sub-domain on Brattopia, I have two people so far that I think will have some very awesome posts to share. It kind of falls back into that old idea of a community blogging sort of thing. Working on the details still, but if I can pull this off correctly, I am hoping it'll be a place where we all can share/discuss/post things together in one area, on top of our (those who have them anyway) normal blogs. I am also working on the Forum area over there, the one i have up is glitching and trying to fix it today. Anyway! My question! Would you be interested in being an author once I get this all set up?
DeleteIt would be my honor to be someone that writes for your Brattopia. It's an incredible honor to be asked. I can't wait to hear more. Let me know what you need from me and I'll deliver.
Delete*insert big goofy and happy grins here* :D :D
DeleteI will email you at some point this weekend with more info! :D
Standing by!
DeletePersonally I would like the sexual tension of being denied orgasm. Once I orgasm, the tension evaporates. When I have not orgasmed in a while I am more switched on. More focussed.
ReplyDeleteHi submanhub, and thanks for commenting. I understand completely. Sometimes, a ruined orgasms is a lot like a regular orgasm and the desire wanes for a time after, but usually the desire remains. I can completely understand what you mean however. I do get a bit of "please don't make me cum Mistress" when she tells me that I will be coming, for the reasons you have said here.
DeleteNicely written. We had a monthlong interruption in our sex life, but things seem to be going back on track. Wife denied me after I penetrated her for a bit, and that is my favorite way to be denied...I love the role reversal: that her juices are on my body, that she has left her mark on me; that I was a "tool" for her pleasure; and she even commented how nice it was that we had sex but didn't have a mess.
ReplyDeleteShe hasn't ruined my orgasms in a long time. They are frustrating but have some key advantages. Like you, a full orgasm causes me "sub-drop" and I get disinterested in her. I think it's chemical, I can't seem to control that. Ruined ones do not do that, in fact, I even maintain my erection. I suspect that I could have multiple ruined orgasms, although we haven't tried that yet. It does give me a sense of "release" and reward as you describe, but avoids that sub-drop. In addition to that, I love being watched. When she wants to ruin my orgasm, she sits up and looks for instinctual cues from my body to figure out when to stop the stimulation. I didn't even know that my testicles pull up prior to orgasm! Makes me feel extra-submissive that she has full control over my pleasure.
Thank you for the kind words lovetosubmit, and thank you for commenting.
DeleteI too love those things as well. If I'm a lucky boy, Mistress will have me enter her in the morning before I go to work so I can her juices and scent with me all day. One of my favorite things to do for her. Also, like you, I love performing for her. I love being watched. I love when she just wants me to be near her, masturbating while she bathes, or puts on her makeup or just sits in her chair and supervises and observes. Especially when she watches me put my plug, or use a dildo on myself for her entertainment.
It's true, you can have multiple ruined orgasms for the very reasons you mentioned. I've never been the kind of guy that could multiple orgasms I the past (much), but multiple ruined orgasms are quite common and when it's all over, my desire doesn't (often) wane a bit.
Thanks for the wonderful comment!