My Mistress is evolving into a great leader

My wife, the beautiful Mistress K., is becoming a better leader of our marriage with every passing day, week, month, year.

In recent posts, I have described how Mistress K. has had me masturbate to the edge very frequently throughout the day the past couple of weeks.  On Sunday it was every 30 minutes through the entire day and night.  During this time, not surprisingly, my desire to please her increased every minute of every.  I have become more and more desperate to please her sexually.  I wanted so bad to be able to spend hours between her legs and in her ass, worshipping at her most sacred alters.  I had it in my mind that me telling her that I want to please her that way, and that demonstrating more and more my desperate desire to do so would be welcoming to her.  It never occurred to me that I was wrong. 

I just got off the phone with Mistress who was wonderful enough to ask me why I thought she has been putting me through these paces these past 2 weeks or so.  I was honest and told her no, I didn't understand and I reluctantly admitted that I felt like she was punishing me for something for an unknown reason.  She said no, she wasn't punishing me and that in fact, I have been a very good boy during all of this.  I was getting even a little pouty and frustrated that she clearly had a goal in mind for me but I wasn't able to see what it was. 

She started off by telling me, no reminding me, that SHE is the Mistress and that whatever type of pleasure she may desire at any given time is for only her to decide.  I told her that I was completely and utterly aware of that concept, and asked her why then has it been so long since she had allowed me to be the physical source of her sexual pleasure.  She went on to explain that she cares very deeply about those things that I desire, and mostly wants to allow me those desires.  The she said that although that just because they are my desires "to please her", and because she is the Mistress, they have nothing to do with whether or not they are, or should be her desires at that moment. 

Since she does care very deeply about my desires.  She genuinely wants to allow me those desires, but only if she wants the very same thing at the same time.  She said me telling her I want to do this for you, or I want to do that for you only hurts the chances that she will simultaneously want it too.  She is holding fast to the anchor-point principal that it is not about me, ever, and what I may want, even if I may think it is something I am offering to her.  Even if it is intended by me, or even masked (unintentionally) as being something that would please her.  In essence, a subconscious, unintended topping from the bottom.  DUH!  What a dork I am.

My beautiful and benevolent Mistress unmasked her intentions by telling me that she wanted for me to be at the peak of sexual desire, even frustration when she made the point that it is way more likely that she would actually want the pleasure that I was hoping to give her.  But only if she could innately and without hesitation, know that I wasn't trying to get her to indulge MY desires, even if it was subconscious or unintended on my part.  She graciously said that the manner in which I communicated these things mattered immensely.  Me telling her what I want, even if I consciously believe I am doing her a favor, is 180 degrees different than me simply asking if offering her sexual pleasure was something that she may want.    DUH!  What a dork I am.

I am smart enough to know that just because I ask from the position of her slave, doesn't mean that it is something that she will want, and if it isn't, for whatever reason she would decide, she will decline and that will be that.  I'm also smart enough to know (now that I have been taught this lesson) that asking appropriately greatly increases the chance that whatever service or pleasure I may be offering, will be something that she would enjoy because it is coming from a now better trained slave.

I love you Mistress K. and am in awe of how you continue to evolve in our beautiful journey.  Thank you.

Blue Balls

 

It may sound crazy, but I have the epitome of aching blue balls and I love how it feels!  The dull ache that rests inside my pants is a constant reminder of the object of my emotional, spiritual and lustful desires.

 

On Friday I posted about how Mistress K. instructed me to masturbate to the edge every hour, on the hour, for the entire day.  Right up until bedtime.  I had no idea what, if anything would come of it in the sex play department but I found out as soon as we got into bed.  NOTHING!  Mistress wanted nothing more than for me to cuddle and nuzzle her while she fell quietly to sleep i our marital bed.  I asked if I could have relief then and she quietly said no.  "This is not the time .... now go to sleep "

 

Saturday was a day filled with busy family and parenting stuff, all day and night.  Apart from me walking over to her at various times during the day, to nuzzle in her neck and to tell her that I loved her, there was no physical interaction romantically or sexually.

 

Sunday?  Sunday?  Sunday was quite a bit different.  Mistress awoke about 7:45 in the morning.  When I heard her rise, I scurried to retrieve her coffee as I do every morning.  I handed it her and she was still very bleary eyed and sleepy.  Her long straight red hair was a disheveled tangled mess that half covered her face.  She was wearing her short little nightie that although isn't designed to be sexy but rather comfortable, I think it is sexy as hell.  I held her tight, kisses her face and neck and took in the body aroma that is uniquely her and declared my daily devotion to her.  She then hurried off to the restroom.

 

When she returned, she had shaken off the sleepiness and walked over to me sitting in the chair at the computer and began to kiss my neck.  She reached down and started to rub me through my shorts and gave me my instructions for the day.  She said "beginning at 8 this morning, you are to edge yourself every half hour for the entire day".  She grabbed my face, looked me in the eye and asked me if I understood my instructions.  I said "Yes maam".  "Good boy" and with that she kissed me softly then went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the kids.  She got 5 feet away then returned and said "oh, and you'll be wearing frilly panties all day".  She kissed me again and then left. 

 

EVERY HALF HOUR!!!!!  We went to bed at 10:30 that night.  Some quick math will tell that during the day on Sunday, I brought myself to the edge 29 times.  Yes .... 29 times.  She didn't come right out and say it, but she eluded to the fact that at the end of the day that I would be separated from the fluid that was gathering in my balls.  When we finally got into bed (she had to wake me up from the couch), she turned to me and started kissing me softly and saying what a good boy I was.  She started rubbing my soft cock and in no time i was all revved up in anticipation of, well, I didn't;t actually know, but i was certain it would be something.  Would she just drain me to ease the ache?  Would she stroke me until I couldn't hold it any longer and feign being disappointed that I came without permission?  I was pretty certain that she wasn't going to allow me to enter her because she knew that with all of that edging, I'd go off before I was able to get the whole head in. 

 

She stroked me to the edge 3 or 4 more times to the point i was begging her to allow me to ejaculate.  I wasn't asking to orgasm, I was begging to be drained.  She kissed me softly, held my face and quietly said no.  Now is not the time, and then rolled over and instructed me to cuddle her.  For the next 10 minutes I begged, whimpered, begged some more in desperate hope that she would acquiesce

and allow me to drain my balls.  She would have none of it and finally had to sternly tell me that if she had to say no one more time, I would be punished right then! 

 

Which brings us to today.  This morning, i was noticeably pouty about the fact that I was so frustrated about being denied the previous night.  She made a very subtle warning that this sort of behavior was not going to be tolerated ... at all!  I got the message real quick and apologized for being pouty.  A short time later, after bringing her a fresh cup of coffee and while she was facing the mirror putting on her makeup, I knelt behind her, slowly lifted her nightie and placed tender soft kisses on her gorgeous bottom and thanked her for her strength and for allowing me to be owned by her.  She informed that today I was to edge myself every 90 minutes throughout the day and then she handed me the panties that she wanted me to wear for the day.  I took the panties, said "Yes Mistress" and then thank her before leaving her to finish what she was doing.

 

Being in this state of unbelievably constant state of desire has allowed me to remember that it is not at all about my desire, or whether or not i think i should be allowed to cum, ruined or otherwise.  it is all about her and if having do this makes her happy, then it most certainly makes me happy. 

My tasks for the day

As some of you know that regularly read this blog, every day before I get dressed, I am to seek instructions from Mistress K. on what to wear under my clothes, if anything, to symbolize my devotion and status in our marriage.  It could panties, or regularly on Tuesdays, a glass butt plug, a cock ring every Wednesday, for example ...........

Today, instead of instructions on what to wear, Mistress gave specific instructions for me to once again, masturbate to the edge orgasm at the top of every hour, beginning at 8am, throughout the entire day, until told to stop.  In addition, I am to call after each time and explain where I was when i did it, and what i was thinking about when i did it.

Should be a fun day.  She keeps me on my toes.

In deep

One of the blogs tat I follow is Domina Jen.  You can find it here:

https://dominajen.wordpress.com/

She is super entertaining, super fun to read and super informative (is that too many uses of the word super?)   ....  she tells it like it is, or should be.  These things make her incredibly sexy as a Domme, and I haven't the faintest idea of what this woman even looks like.

Anyway, Domina Jen is participating in 30 Days of Kink.  I often will get pretty bored with responses when people participate in these blog games, but not with her responses.  One response in particular, which you go to here:   https://dominajen.wordpress.com/2015/08/18/30-days-of-kink-day-8/   Included this picture ................

I love this picture.  It has long been one of my favorites since the first time I saw it.  Being in this position, face to face, eye to eye, mouth to mouth, having taken Mistress' strapon inside of me, depicts what I consider to be one of the most romantic, deeply moving ways in which a submissive man can marinate himself in the love of his Mistress.  Talk about sub space!

Where it all started!

Hi everyone.  I hope you all had a great weekend.  I just returned from a golf weekend in the cool mountains of Arizona.  You may have been that it was 117 in Phoenix this past weekend.  Mistress gave me a hall pass to go alone for the weekend, but it's so good to be back with Mistress and my children.

I woke up this morning, ready to start a hectic work week, and I came across a "Dear Abby" article that caught my eye.  Here it is:

DEAR ABBY: I'm retiring at the end of this year after 50 years of full-time employment and I'm very excited about it. Looking back over my life, I see there have been several life-changing events ... marriage, the births of our children, buying a home and, now, retirement.

My wife gets irritated every time I say (about twice a week), "When I retire." I'm looking forward to all sorts of activities that I'll have time for. Why can't she be excited too? She makes snide remarks like, "Well, when you retire, you won't have anything to say." The implication is that all I talk about is my retirement, which isn't true. And if it were true, it's a big deal to me. What should I say to my wife? -- EXCITED IN MARYLAND

The reason this caught my eye is because it is good example of what I wanted to avoid in my marriage when the mutual task of running a household and raising kids was over.  This was why I ultimately wanted to ask my wife to accept my submissiveness as part of our marriage.  I wanted to be part of what seemed like a natural way for the two of us to genuinely maintain our deep love each other, even though I was arguably the more dominant one, and she was the more submissive one. I have mentioned often that this is the origin and my motivation for seeking a FLM with my beloved wife.  I wanted for our life together to be filled with natural opportunities for her to be cherished, adored and worshipped by her loving husband, and for her life to be as joyful and comfortable as possible with me in service to her. 

 

The couple in this Dear Abby article seem to be typical in that they have simply grown apart because there was no method to nurture the natural emotional or physical attraction to each other throughout the course of their marriage.  They simply set out to successfully accomplish their respective roles in life and seemed to take it for granted that the love, devotion and excitement of their love would always be there.  It's a scary time for many couples that are faced with an empty nest and retirement, because now, all they have is time with each other.  Wouldn't it be great if when that time comes, each of them were genuinely excited about being together?  Just the two of them?  Being able to be naked with each other, make love whenever and wherever in the house they want?  Isn't that how it should be? 

 

For Mistress K. and I, in our marriage, our loving FLM will naturally allow for love and genuine desire to be together, to continue to grow as we march toward old age and when we are spending every waking minute together .... no job .... no kids .... nothing but each other.  In our marriage, it is a Female Led Marriage.  For other couples, the female is a loving devoted submissive, but the same concept applies if that is the power dynamic that is natural and nurturing.

 

Does this mean that D/s or power-exchange in and of itself is the key to a successful and happy marriage/relationship?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  D/s in a truly loving relationship .... where the dominant truly wishes to accept the gift of submission offered by their partner, and when each partner genuinely and lovingly grows in their respective role, the level of love and devotion is just so deep that it is almost unexplainable.

 

I love you Mistress ... and I cherish your love.  Your ability to accept my complete devotion and submission has made me the happiest man in the world.  Isn't that how marriage should be?

Shit! I screwed up

Whenever a text comes from Mistress, it could be anything.  From vanilla stuff about kids, dinner, work, traffic, weather ..... to sexy stuff which most often is a reply to words or a sexy picture I sent her.  Other times ... her text is like the one I got yesterday.  The kind that makes me gulp.

"YOU HAVE A VERY BIG PUNISHMENT COMING YOUR WAY YOUNG MAN" which was accompanied by a few pictures of naughty, grown-up webpages that I had left open on the computer from earlier in the morning.

We are relatively sure that our kids were none the wise, but  FUCK!  How stupid!

Another Second Monday of the month

Which means today is milking day.  In preparation (although she never actually said it), I am required to masturbate for 30 seconds, no more and no less, every hour of the day today.  It doesn't matter what I am doing or where I am at, this must be completed every hour.  Tonight, will be entertaining some clients and won't be home until around 10pm.  I only hope that by the time I get home that Mistress hasn't already fallen asleep and still wishes to drain me of my seminal fluids.  Mine you, it a milking, not an orgasm or even a ruined orgasm (unless Mistress chooses at the times to give me one or more of those), but rather the mere function of emptying my balls of it built up fluid. 

I recently saw this captioned picture and thought it was so,um, useful. 

I sent it to Mistress and then later asked her if I could ask her a "want" question.  When she approved me asking a question, I asked if she would consider allowing us to get a milking post and that if she thought the description of the act in the photo was desirable to her, perhaps she would consider it for my monthly milkings.  I even touted the fact that all she had to do was sit back and watch, or supervise as it were.  She said she would consider it.