I don't know if Mistress K. reads my blog anymore or not. I suspect that she hasn't in some time. I know that she hasn't (or at least I think I know) since we exchanged our marriage vows to include her placing her collar on me.
I wish she would read it more. When I ask her about it she does point out that she has FAR less time to do such things than I do. Also, I sense a hesitation to see my thoughts in their rarest form. The "open kimono" if you will. Mistress K is the kind of person that doesn't feel the need to be able to get an insight into someone else's mind. She'd rather experience for what it is, such as it is.
This doesn't help my sometimes pouty, worrisome topping from the bottom tendencies. I want for us to communicate better and more thoroughly than we currently do. I want to talk about testing our boundaries and possibly extending them in some ways. What ways in particular? I don't know exactly. There just never seems to be enough time. My previously mentioned dysfunctions then tend to make me wonder if she is losing interest, even though there is no reasonable basis for which I should come to that conclusion.
Don't get me wrong ....... life is great in the Mistress K. house! I don't for some reason, in the dark before the dawn this morning, after a restless night, it just feels good to say these things here.
The whole time thing is so hard! my Master will sometimes read my blog, but He doesn't really like to read much, so sometimes He doesn't... even when He has the time... It kind of drives me crazy, lol...
ReplyDeleteI know. Poor us right?
DeleteA ((hug)) for you today my friend.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to want more when you know in your heart that everything is just fine. As a submissive partner, "just fine" isn't good enough for us. We know that we could always give more, in some way. The confusion for me comes in when my desire to do more, be more, experience more, leads me to......well........trying to lead. I have to balance being heard with NOT trying to top from the bottom.
From one amazing household to another, I understand what you are saying SHIP. More importantly, your Mistress K will understand too. Separate you are far from perfect, your perfection comes when you are TOGETHER!
XOXO Pearl
It's comments like this that make smile. Thanks sister!
DeleteYou are not alone. The uninterest he has in my blog drives me nuts. i would love for him to be more interactive, but it's just not him, and that's okay...I guess, lol.
ReplyDeleteTry to look at it as a way to submit, a way to let her do what she wants.
Knowing I'm not alone is helpful. Oh the tribations of being a submissive. 😉
DeleteHaving your Mistress read your blog can be a mixed blessing...sometimes it gets you into trouble, at least in the short term.... but long term it can be very helpful.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right RA. It is a mixed blessing. Sometimes I want her to see into my mind (by sometimes I mean usually) and sometimes I wonder if she'll really understand what I am saying. Like once she saw that I thought my punishment spankings were too light, that all changed. For the better I suppose. 😉
ReplyDeleteIf you want to communicate more with her, have you thought about emailing her or writing a note and putting it on her pillow or next to her plate at dinner. It could get a dinner convation going.
ReplyDeleteFD.
Those are all wonderful ideas FD but at the end of the day, passive-aggressive attempts at starting a conversation is always the wrong way to go, even though we all wish that the people that mean the most to us could just read our minds. That being said, those are all great ideas. *smile
Deletethis is a place that is a marvellous sounding board. I use my space as a way to express, to say things out loud so to speak. I have noone to confide in, even talking to Sir face to face is hard. Here i can just expose my thoughts and analyse and evaluate events.
ReplyDeleteI think that we like our Boss people to read, but it must remain a safe place. They shouldn't read if it brings them distress of a kind that then plays out negatively. I don't think the by not reading our Boss people demonstrate that they don;t care about the author, but perhaps like all humans it just means they connect with the author in different ways.
Would Mistress K read certain posts if you asked her to?
I couldn't have said it better myself sister sub. I have no one to confide I either, except for the friends like you I have made here, which is why comments like yours are so meaningful.
DeleteMy current agreement with Mistress K. is that I can do and say anything I want to on my blog, without fear of retribution. If I want to bitch and complain about how she might be unfair, so be it. If I want to talk about things out loud like you said, this blog is the place to do it. As close as Mistress K. and I are, and as much as I have no desire to ever hide anything from her, there will always be some things that I will feel uncomfortable about revealing, whether they are things I wonder about experiencing, or things that she might do that annoy me. I don't think that's healthy though. First, I don't ever seem to think she is unfair (see what I did there? *smile). Next, I believe that we all should have the decency and respect for each other in general to avoid passive-aggressive means of communicating.
I totally love your post. It is spot on. I especially like your term "our Boss people". With your permission, I'd totally like to start using it sometimes in my communications here. You're a pretty cool chick.
Yes, Mistress K. would read anything I asked her to, without hesitation. I guess the thing I was originally complaining about was the fact that she doesn't rush over and immediately read absolutely every word if ever write, you know, within a reasonable 10 minutes of it being written, so that we can talk it through so that she can get a better understand of how she should behave to make my life better. You know, that kind of thing. That's not unreasonable is it? *he he
Dear subhub,
ReplyDeleteHere are some thoughts to consider. If you knew for sure that Mistress K read every word you wrote, every day, would that change what you write? Might you subtly try to send Her signals of your desires? Would you be more circumspect? What if She knew nothing of your blog, or specifically said She didn't want to know the URL? How might that affect what you write? I don't know what the best solution is. Perhaps that is a conversation the two of you could have.
Hi Marissacd and thanks for commenting. I can honestly say that I would not alter or hold back on my thoughts because I know she will eventually read my words. I'd be heartbroken if she had a total lack of interest. Perhaps that might effect my writing, I just don't know.
DeleteI guess my disappointment stems from my wish that she would be current on my thoughts rather than looking at everything historically