I was reading one of the blogs that I enjoy like to frequent - Evolving Your Man. It is a site that accurately (IMO) promotes the benefits of chastity, orgasm control, semen retention, ethical non-monogamy and various other aspects of female led relationships. I encourage you to go there and read it. The host of the site site, Emma, created a post in the forum area talking about regrettable and often inaccurate portrayals of submissive men. You can read it here.
And she's right! There are so many wrong perceptions of what a submissive male is, what he wants and what his experiences are in a FLR/WLM. Even though there are literally millions of variations of reality among those of us who actually live in a WLM, it still comes with misperceptions of what it is, or is supposed to be based on the perception/label they have attached to it.
Things like: all submissive men believe that every woman is superior mere and only because she is a woman. Well, that's bullshit for many people that live a WLM. We all know women that are dumb as a bag of hammers and who couldn't find their own ass if they used both hands. Clearly there are exceptions, and for some men that is their kink, but in most real-life WLM's, the husband only feels that way about his wife. I'm one of those guys. I love and respect women but don't feel to all women because they are women. Also, submissive men are meek, weak, beta only, worthless and are beaten regularly just because they live in masochistic misery with a sadistic wife/girlfriend. I could make a list of other ridiculous examples, but you get the idea.
“Labels bias our perceptions, thinking, and behavior. A label or story can either separate us from, or connect us to, nature. For our health and happiness, we must critically evaluate our labels and stories by their effects.” - Michael J. Cohen
Femdom is a genre, mostly in the shadows of porn, but a genre nonetheless. Although "femdom" is often found in the kink play of a WLM, it is not what defines it. "Femdom" in a seasoned WLM means many different things to different people .... and to each of them it is entirely something they have made their own, and that is a beautiful thing.
They probably started their WLM/FLR unsure of where to start , what to do. I know we did. In the beginning it's natural to feel as though there are "rules" out there that you need to follow and that if you don't, you aren't doing it right, and the Femdom Police might come in and prevent you from participating anymore. This was the case for Mistress K. and I in the beginning when we were finding our way. We had the benefit though, of knowing what our goal would be ... which was the age old "Happy Wife, Happy Life" goal.
When researching Femdom or WLM on the internet, invariably you get sent in the direction of porn. Even though porn's portrayal of Femdom is understandable, it is hardly recognizable when compared to what a real, loving WLM/FLR looks like. With that said, where do we find information that is intelligent, relevant, useful and interesting? We find it in articles, blogs, forums and the like that are NOT centered on providing wank fodder, but rather delve into the real-life aspects of what a loving, beautiful and successful WLM looks like. Emotionally, physically and in real-life. Did I mention real-life?
What does real life WLM look like? It looks like whatever they, the couple, determined by the wife decides it looks like. It could look like this:
Like Mistress K. does on occasion, this woman (looks like her too) may very well have directed her husband to assume the temporary role of a Dominant husband, while at no time relinquishing the ultimate dominant role. After all, Dominant wives enjoy fantasy role play as well.
It could also look like this:
Having her very own human sex toy available to her anytime she wants, even during a party at the neighbors is part of the happy wife, happy life thing.
It can look this:
And of course, can look like this:
Yes, this is a picture from the web but you'll notice that she is not wearing fetish gear. This is a more accurate portrayal of reality.
I'm one of those people that believes that words matter. I know, I know, people like me can get unnecessarily frustrated by the misuse of words, but damnit, words matter. Take the below captioned picture for example. What could be more alluring, more sexy than a beautiful young woman doing this to you ..... EVERY NIGHT? Reality does not fit with this porn fueled version of things. If for no other reason, the amount of work this poor young, beautiful woman would need to do ... EVERY NIGHT is clearly not sustainable. Does this accurately portray the benefits to the wife in a loving WLM? Of course not. It does accurately portray a young, beautiful woman that will feed her man's fetishes instead, which is not what a FLR/WLM is. It's kink play - roleplay. I know, I know, unnecessarily making a big deal out of nothing, but it does illustrate what I mean about inaccurate portrayal of submissive men/husbands.
In reality, the goal of a loving WLM/FLR is to provide a blissful, pampered life for the Wife, wherein the husband gets genuine pleasure from seeing his Wife live a wonderfully beautiful life. There are so many things that go into a successful WLM marriage, but I can assure you of one thing ... if it means more work for the wife, the ultimate goal cannot be achieved.
Work? What do I mean about work? Everything! Everything from the dishes and laundry, to opening doors for her, to coffee ritualistically delivered to her in bed every morning, to discipline, to mind blowing orgasms on demand (for her) when and how she decides, to .... everything that legitimately provide Her with a blissful, pampered life.
There are some really good blogs on the interweb that can help define what a successful WLM can and should look like. One of the best guides for husbands and Wives in developing and navigating a successful loving WLM (IMO) is
Femdom Think Tank. It is hosted by a lovely woman named Mz Kaylee. She lives a normal, everyday REAL life and the vast amount of blog entries she has are a good resource for WLM/FLR beginners and veterans alike. I suggest you start at the beginning and wade your way through. Her emphasis is on success for both her and her husband, how a beautiful, loving WLM is beautiful for both of them. She clearly and plainly explains the things (roles and responsibilities) that are necessary for the kind of success that leads to her living a pampered life, while feeding the love and desires of her husband. Mistress K. particularly like Femdom Think Tank because she can relate to Mz Kaylee and feels that their life matches our own in many regards.
Another one of my favorites is
To Love, Honor & Obey. This blog is different than some of the other WLM blogs I follow. It highlights many kink things that frankly Mistress K. and I have little interest in. So why do I like the blog? I like the host ... Mistress Diane J. She's awesome. She is intelligent, confident, straightforward, unapologetic, stern, fun, caring, puts up with zero bullshit from bull-shitters, is unabashedly proud of her life and is deeply in love with her sissy, cuckold husband, who is deeply, madly in love with her. Did I mention intelligent? Yes, I believe I did. Humble, strong confidence based in intelligence is the sexiest attribute a person can have. Intelligent people understand the importance of returning the love they get. This recent on her blog (
here) exemplifies that in a very simple yet beautiful way.
Being owned by her is not only the best feeling in the world, it's best life for a husband and wife.
Vanilla's can't possibly understand some of beautiful and genuine things that come from this lifestyle. I mean really, what vanilla man (or woman for that matter) could possibly understand how a husband needing permission to have one of his infrequent orgasms, would translate into the husband having the best sex life he could imagine? Nor can they understand how a man could willingly and gladly submit to restrictions, discipline and punishment (in whatever form She decides), and feel like he is a much better man for it. But it's real, and it's true.
Labels are necessary but are limiting. Understand that labels have a different perception and and different meaning to each of us individually. Submissive men are all around you, in every walk of life. So are their beautiful Dominant wives and girlfriends. Sweet soccer moms (like Mistress K.), lawyers, waitresses, doctors, librarians, stay at home moms ... you name it. They're everywhere and for those that have tapped into the realities and truths of a WLM/FLR, they truly are living their best lives, and so are their husbands. What they do, how they do it and what they mean to each other is unique and beautiful to them ... and should be celebrated for what they in THEIR own reality, and not ours.
If you are lucky enough to live in constant bliss of a WLM/FLR, congratulations and continued success on your journey. For those that wish to someday but are just starting or wish to, don't limit yourselves to labels and misperceptions of what it all means. Make it yours. Make it something based in trust, respect, communication and most of all, a deep, deep love for each other.
Post Script:
Shortly after posting this blog, I came across this:
The Masculine Submissive
Contrary to popular belief of one major taboo, is that a submissive also means he is a cross dresser or a sissy. While it is true, that submission, tease, denial, and chastity, may make a submissive curious to explore his feminine side, there are a lot of submissive males that want nothing to do with it. There are in fact a lot of submissive men that wish to remain masculine, and take on the masculine role within the relationship.
Similarly, there are plenty of dominant females that get turned off at the idea of a feminized male. So you see, there is room for dominants and submissives of all walks of life. There is no cookie cutter version of how a submissive or a dominant is supposed to behave. It’s all entirely dependent upon who they are as a person, and how they can best compliment their partner.
Masculine submissives can maintain their masculinity, while still submitting to the fullest extent possible. He may also maintain his leadership abilities outside of the relationship, in business, and personal relationships. Submissive men can and do, have the capacity to be great leaders. They can actually draw from their inner submissive desires, as a source of diplomacy and integrity, and also as an act of compassion and understanding. Masculine submissives can use their submissive state of being in ways beyond the D/s dynamic.
It can in fact, be a source of incredible spiritual strength that gives them the charisma and magnetism needed to attract the required relationships to be successful in business, or friendships. None of these people, would ever guess or even care that they’re submissive to their wives, and will probably wonder how they’re so happy and willing to face whatever problems may arise, without resorting to anger or violence or ill intentions. A masculine submissive can use his submission for the betterment of all.
The reason being, is because submission is one gateway in which a male can diminish his ego, and get in touch with his spiritual nature. This will automatically bring to him, an enhanced intuition, and a deeper connection to himself, which will begin to eradicate his unfavorable qualities, habits, addictions, negative thought patterns, and so on. The more he allows himself to submit, and diminish his ego, the more evident this will be, and he will never have to sacrifice a single shred of his masculinity in the process. It will actually help him balance his masculinity because he will be a male that is expressing and experiencing emotions, without trying to stuff them back in the box, trying to be all macho and unfeeling. He will realize that crying is not weakness, it’s a release of negative feelings and emotions, so that he can be more positive.
Emotions are not the enemy, they are a language, and when that language is understood, a male will truly know what it means to be alive. He will become the master of his masculinity, through submission to her. Now if he was to explore his feminine side, like many submissives crave, he will also begin to understand women, and relate to women in ways he’s always craved, because the mystery of the female will begin to reveal it’s mysteries. For a male, exploring one or both sides of the emotional scale of masculine and feminine through submission, will have massive rewards.
