Mistresses Can Feel Guilty About Being Selfish

Every Wife Led Marriage evolves.  It doesn't matter if it started at his request or hers, they all have a starting point, and if the journey is successful, both the husband but especially the Wife, live a life of bliss and joy together.  

At the beginning of our beautiful WLM journey, Mistress K. was still finding her stride when it came to being a Dominant Wife.  She very easily understood the intellectual concept behind adopting and living in a WLM, and all of the obvious benefits that could (and did) come from it, but it went against her instincts to be "selfish" when it came to me.  

We went from her allowing me to orgasm nearly every time I begged for it, light, barely there spankings for actual punishment, and me being caged very rarely (1 or 2 times a year and only for a few hours or overnight), and then it was only for "serious" punishment.  All of those were like for a variety of reasons, most of them stemming from her concern about my state of mind and fear that I was feeling deprived.

Now?  Now mostly am never allowed to orgasm if I beg, when she spanks me for punishment, it fucking hurts, and I am permanently caged and has zero hesitation demanding from me the things she once thought were selfish.  On the rare occasion where I am allowed an orgasm, it is always while I remain caged, rendering each of them a ruined orgasm.  As a result, our love for each other has never been deeper, our sex life has never been more satisfying and most importantly she genuinely lives a beautiful, blissful, contented life, partly because of her slave husband.  All I ever want for her is a blissful existence, and she lives one. 

Recently I came across a comment on a thread post that is a response to an inquiry and explains the phenomenon of an initially hesitant Dominant Wife.  It comes from my friend @AllAboutHer in a thread he started some time ago called  "My journey has been accelerating", on one of my favorite sites, Evolving Your Man, owned and operated by another friend, the beautiful and talented Miss Emma.  With permission from the author, I'd like to share that passage with you now:

Posted by: @lovemypet  

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In the meantime, do you have suggestions for how the woman in an FLR can get past the deep seeded (cultural I believe) duty of always looking to pleasure/satisfy the man without much regard to ourselves?

Reply by:  @allAboutHer

If you believe your woman intellectually accepts the idea of your relationship being woman centered rather than male centered, but still has to contend with deep-seated conditioning and inhibitions, my opinion is that the key is consistency in word, and especially action, on your part.  I took it as my job to normalize this new way of being for her.  My wife has said to me several times that it was really smart for me to set the conditions where she could comfortably asset her dominance rather than expect her to change at the snap of a finger.  This allowed her to come to it gradually, in her own time, by developing new habits and letting go of old ones.  It was much more of an evolution than a revolution.

When it is appropriate, I will remind her that we BOTH like her being in control and we are both pursuing a mutual goal.

I think it was also helpful that I avoided confusion by explaining that I wasn’t proposing a mere shift in balance away from my sexual pleasure to hers.  I proposed an entirely different paradigm where the SOLE purpose of sex in our relationship is her pleasure and this extends to the point that she literally owns my orgasms.  

Slowly, we have progressed to the point where I think we are finally confronting the final vestiges of her wanting to show some deference to my pleasure.  We actually had a great conversation about this the other morning when we were being intimate.  She started the topic of conversation by expressly acknowledging that she loves and appreciates the fact that owns my orgasms, but feels that once she has decided to permit me one, I must have a preference for how she allows it. “What do you like most?  Coming inside me?  When I use my hand?” She asked me.  

“I promise I am not trying to be difficult, but my preference truly is what brings you joy in the moment.  If I know you want to feel me coming inside you, or if you want to watch my cum while you use your hand or instruct me to jerk off for you, or you want to feel the ‘wicked pleasure’ of denying me, then that is what makes it ‘best’ for me.”  

She still seemed a little incredulous.  Then it occurred to me that I had objective evidence to offer. “Don’t you agree that my orgasms, when you permit them, are much more powerful than they used to be before we agreed that sex is for your pleasure?” I asked.

”Oh, absolutely. But isn’t that just from build up because they are less frequent?” she replied.

”Not really,” I said.  “It is because my orgasms are now so much more between my ears than in my penis.  And I know you get that.  How else would you explain the fact that you had an orgasm the other day without being touched simply from teasing and denying me.  That was really hot, by the way,” I added.

She asked me to open my sex tracker app so she could look at the data I have been collecting.  We compared the data from the first few months, when our FLR was new, with the data from the last few months.  The emergence of her preferences was abundantly clear.  In the early records, my orgasms were much more frequent and they substantially outnumbered denials.  Back then it was common for me to cum inside her during PIV.  She also occasionally instructed me to “take her” in a dominant fashion.  

As things are now, she prefers to allow me cum inside her about once a month, at most, and it has been more than a year and a half since she wanted me to “take her.”  My number of orgasms has easily been reduced by 50% and they are substantially exceeded by the number of denials.  The ratio of our orgasms had gone from 3 to 1 in my favor, to 3 to 1 in her favor, to the “new normal” of five orgasms for her for each one I have.

So, in a nutshell: patience, consistency, and communication.