I don't understand why

Why is it so important for so many people in the D/s, FLM, BDSM, Fetish worlds (and frankly all other areas of life) to ask others to define for them, the boundaries they should fit within.  On Fetlife (you should come visit me there - listed as subhubphx), in nearly every "group" I am a part of, a never ending stream of questions comes through asking others to define how they or someone they are with should behave or act or feel.  I get it, beginners have a never ending desire to "do it right". 

It happens here too at times.  I'll get the occasional comment or email from someone that will ask my why I am not doing this or that, like every other submissive husband does.  For example, I occasionally her from an anonymous "Mistress" that contiguously complains to me that until Mistress K. requires me to consume every bit of ejaculate that comes from my body, I am not truly a submissive husband.  She even goes on to suggest that if Mistress K. doesn't like that, or want me to do it, she isn't a "true" Mistress.  Others have contacted Mistress K. or myself asking to be included in our kinks, as if it is a foregone conclusion that Mistress K. is some kind of leather-clad Mistress  who is constantly on the prowl for misguided and unattached submissives out there (male and female).  Others somehow believe that because her husband is her submissive, that her sexual needs aren't being met and that perhaps she may not even know it, and of course they are more than happy to satisfy those unmet sexual needs.  I even got an email from someone that lives locally, a submissive man, informing me that he had just sent Mistress K. an email asking for her permission to "date" me.  As if that was, again, some kind of foregone conclusion that such a thing was even possible. 

I understand that people, when they are immersed in their kink thoughts, have certain hopes, dreams and expectations, and for the most part, most people are very courteous when making those assumptions about us.  One of the misconceptions is  ....  Because I am a submissive husband to my beautiful, sexy redheaded Goddess Mistress Wife, that I am also a submissive in other areas of my life.  Well, I'm not.  In fact, I am an unabashed dominant in every aspect of my life except for one, and I think we all know what that is.  I am dutifully at the ready to participate in pretty much any activity that Mistress K. might find enjoyable, within our already known limits.  She and I have talked through our likes, dislikes, preferences, soft limits and hard limits and we pretty much stick to those things because, well, that's how Mistress K. wants it. 

In my dedicated servitude to Mistress K., I realize that there is relatively very few things I wouldn't do for her if she were so inclined.  If Mistress K. were to ever change her mind and say, require that I consume my ejaculate .... I wouldn't like doing it.  Not at all.  However, I would do it dutifully and happily because I would be required to do it, and only because it would be something that she would then find pleasurable.  There are plenty of aspects of servitude in my role as a committed, collared, and dutiful submissive husband that I do that I would never (in a million years) do (or accept) on my own and outside the realm of our singular and monogamous relationship. I don't much like being responsible for all of the dirty dishes in the house.  I wouldn't wear panties if I wasn't told to do so by Mistress K.  I would never, ever allow someone o punish me by spanking my ass red until it hurts.  I would never, ever kneel naked before someone and profess my adoration and love for them.  All of those things (and may others) happen frequently, and for one reason and one reason only .... because the one person in the world that I have committed my gift of submission to, likes it. 

Conversely, there are plenty of things in the FLM lifestyle that I would love to do, or do more often.  In the past, Mistress would constantly hear about may of those because of my incessant asking or cajoling (topping from the bottom).  Mistress K. put an end to that behavior early on by simply demanding that I understand that one of the core tenants of our mutual commitment to each other is that is is NOT at all about what I want, but simply and only about what she wants.  When it is all said and done, I am either able to get my ultimate source of pleasure by seeing to it that Mistress K. gets her pleasure (in whatever way she sees fit), or I am not.  If I am not, then the basic ingredient of our FLM would be a lie. 

I recently read a story on Literotica that made the point very clear.  I can't find it again, otherwise I would direct you to the story.  I won't bore you with the details, but briefly, it was a story about a married couple that was living a FLM.  The Mistress wife in the story eventually evolved into wanting to take additional lovers, essentially cuckolding her husband.  Not something I would want at all, but for him, and his relationship with his Mistress wife, it was acceptable.  During one of her trysts with her lovers, a man that dominated her sexually while in his presence, he assumed that simply because it was ok for him to fuck his wife, it would also be ok for her husband to suck his cock.  In the story, the wife's lover instructed the husband to come to the bed and suck his cock clean after he was finished with his wife.  The husband walked over, completely and utterly demonstrated to her wife's lover that he had no right, no capacity to suggest or demand any such thing from him.  When the woman's lover continued to attempt to dominate the husband, the husband drug him to the ground, completely immobilized him with force and informed him that his participation with his wife in the future was over and for him to get his clothes and "get the fuck out of here".  That he did not accept instructions from anyone other than his wife and that his servitude was only to her.  In the absence of any instructions from his Mistress Wife to perform with him sexually, it simply wasn't gong to happen and that just because his wife had agreed to submit to the man sexually, it did NOT mean that he would as well.  I almost literally cheered out loud for the man.  For his Mistress Wife, it was a supreme demonstration of her submissive husband's willingness to make her happy and a such, loved him and respected him that much more. 

Folks, we are all different and as such I believe that if each of us didn't depend so much on others interpretation or "definition" of how each of us should behave or what we might be required to "accept" in our respective lives, we'd have so much less unhappiness and so much more joy in what it is we do.  Be that in the world of kink or life in general.