Last Night

Two things happened last night.  Two very important and profound things as they relate to my relationship to my Mistress Wife.

First, Mistress and I were on a dinner meeting that we occasionally do in order to review things FLM, including things that either of us may have on our minds, good, bad or indifferent.  It's quiet time away from the kids so we can speak about the things we normally can't talk about at our regular dinner table.  At this meeting, the conversation quickly went to me complaining some about not feeling her control, her dominance, her hands enough.  I whined some about how I was feeling neglected and that I was feeling that we have slowly moved to such a routine in our relationship that I feared that I was being taken for granted. 

(sidebar   -   This seems to be a common theme among some of my very good submissive husband blog friends.  One in particular is I'm Hers who has been posting and commenting on similar feelings he has been having on his blog.  If you aren't familiar with his blog, I encourage you to check it out because it is excellent!!  Here is a link:   http://im-hers.blogspot.com/ ). 

Over the course of my talking about my feelings, and trying to be clear that I wasn't unhappy or anything like that, I was coming like a whiney pussy of a submissive man and not the strong, confident submissive that I am expected to be.  It just started coming out.  Unintentionally, I started blaming Mistress K. for how I was feeling as if our whole FLM dynamic was centered on how I should feel from time to time.

In true, epic form, Mistress K. calmly made me realize two things.  Her love and desire for me was not an ounce less than it ever was and that it continues to grow each day.  She was appreciative of me expressing how I was feeling and very expertly made me understand that although how I was feeling was important to her, it wasn't about me.  It was about her.  She didn't just "shove that part up my ass" and tell me to like it or lump.  No, instead she was able to demonstrate how I am able (and frankly required) to better communicate with her about things that are on my mind, again good, bad or indifferent.    She's not a mind reader after all and if in the course of her very busy life she's not able to recognize my tender feelings fro time to time, it's my obligation to make them more apparent to her.  She was right and in no time, I felt waaaay better.

Out of this discussion came two things that she implemented as part of our routine, daily existence.  Beginning today and until further notice, each morning at precisely 5:55 am, I am to have her steaming hot coffee on her night stand and then I am to wake her gently by using only my kisses on her tummy.  The other thing she established is during those times when I need to talk about a situation that is on my mind, I am to formerly address her as Mistress, ask her permission to speak with her about whatever is on my mind before bring up an issue.  I had a recent post about rituals and how much I appreciate them.  Along those lines, I am so grateful and excited about these two new rituals. 

The other profound and important thing that happened last night was I finally received punishment for ejaculating without permission while at play in bed with Mistress.  I didn't know what to expect leading up to this punishment, especially because Mistress had made it clear before that it would be something that I needed to "mentally prepare" for.  I knew it would significant but didn't know exactly what it would be.  Frankly, my biggest concern was that Mistress K. was going to have me masturbate to a full orgasm immediately preceding her giving me a punishment spanking.  Those are the worst!  In the end, it turned out to be nothing more than the longest, hardest and most painful spanking I have ever received from her.  Good old fashioned blistering on my ass with her trusty pink leather paddle.  I thrashed and wriggled because it was painful but as my spanking went on, I could feel my shame and disappointment leave my body, and my love and devotion to her growing. With each swat, I felt that much more devoted to her, despite the pain. When it was over there were no tears (although they weren't that far off if she had continued) but it hurt and I sweating profusely.  I knew when it was about to begin, that it was going to hurt because Mistress had me get a pillow off the bed, put it on the floor and bury my face in it so the kids could not "hear my screams".  When it was finally over, the aftercare was incredible.  It was nothing more than what we always do .... her holding me and telling me that I am forgiven and that she loves me, but on this occasion, because of the nature of the infraction, I needed to be forgiven.

Afterward she got up and instructed me to get into bed because it was time to sleep.  When she joined me, I asked her if she would like an orgasm this night (like I seem to do every night now) and after thinking about for a second, she said yes.  She ordered me to retrieve her Hitachi-like vibrator and then to kiss and lick her nipples while she used it to bring herself to orgasm.  She had realized that giving me the spanking she gave had made her want to orgasm and for me to have to watch, knowing that it was the pinnacle of sexual pleasure that I would not be enjoying that evening.  It was magical and when she was done, she rolled over and before she could fall asleep, I thanked her for allowing me to witness her orgasm (like I always do), for her being the Dominant Mistress I needed her to be at dinner during our conversation, and for my incredible spanking.