Yesterday (Sunday), a fellow submissive (Katie) posted the following on her blog:
http://thiswholething.blogspot.com/2015/01/its-only-coffee-or-is-it.html?zx=4560dcb6eccc8874
Btw, it is an excellent blog and if you aren't already following it, I'd suggest it. The post was about some of the struggles we sometimes have as submissive and it was excellent. I left (a rather long) comment to the post, which is below if you are interested:
Hi Katie, Holy smokes is this an excellent post. Thank you for it! Thank you for the story of how things "really" are sometimes in a true D/s relationship. In my case of course, it is Female Led Marriage. It is not my place to be critical, so I want you to know that being critical is not at all my intention.
Mistress K. and I have recently had a few conversations about this very topic. Mistress K. was lamenting the fact that she, on more than a few occasions, had "let it go" when a definite hard spanking was in order, because she too was worried that it may have been too much. She feels that because of her acquiescence, that my behavior has slipped. She figured it was my knowing that she had a propensity for leniency and that she was going to allow that to continue. I apologized and she immediately said that it wasn't my fault. That if there was fault, and there wasn't, it would've been hers.
Basically the conversation for us was all about the understanding that will be times either or both of us will have to "suck it up" and hold fast to the basic rules of our relationship, even if that means being subject to a punishment that might otherwise seem to be "over the line". When she asked me what I had thought, i just gulped and said "yes Mistress". I said thank you for shepherding our relationship so masterfully and that I understood completely. All of this after just having told her that I wished for her to "push my limits". In retrospect, that may be something that I will regret come punishment time. She informed me right there on the spot that I was due for a punishment spanking at a time to be determined later. Again I gulped.
I believe her words are absolutely true and I couldn't be more grateful and proud to my beautiful Mistress Wife for coming to that conclusion on our behalf. Even with the "gulps", knowing that there would be things that i was going to be subject to that I may very well not enjoy, I had a deep sense of secure comfort in knowing that Mistress K. was as committed to our relationship as I felt i was, and none of it came from my prompting.
For whatever it was worth, and again, it is not my intention to be critical, I think Rob should've spanked you again for the clothes and the door slam before the cuddling, kissing and movement into your sweet place. It's obvious to me that the depth of love the two of you share would've not only survived that additional spanking, but would've been enhanced by it.
Thank you again for a wonderful post, a superb blog and have the happiest of a new year to you and yours.
Best regards,
S.H.I.P.
I so very much enjoy interacting with like-minded people, especially about the realities of this lifestyle we all have chosen. This blog, chronicling the lovely marriage of Ron and Katie is the epitome of that.
Hi S.H.I.P! :) Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments from my recent blog post! I will be popping over there to finish up replies as soon as I have the chance. I too found the comments so, so interesting and thought provoking. And I agree- based on the variety of the same, there are a number of really great things to think about, that could perhaps branch off into a whole lot of separate posts... I will be giving all of that more thought moving forward. :)
ReplyDeleteI did not take one bit of offense regarding your first comment. No worries what so ever. I don't think that you will mind me saying that we exchanged a couple of emails to that point. What I did appreciate so much, is your thoughtful responses.
Rob and I are, and have always been a little "loosey goosey" shall we say, for want of a better word here. I introduced what started as more Dd over two years ago. It was a very slow thing. I know that some people go for the gusto all at once and that works as well. But basically I told Rob that I was his, offering my body to him, and my heart. From there, I also told him that he could spank me. At that time, after some thought, Rob told me that he would have to then step up! I more recently asked Rob how he went from the one to the other just like that. And he told me that he would think about it. Anyway, Rob doesn't read blogs. I read some posts to him sometimes, and he always reads mine- these days usually after the fact. But Rob as the leader/HoH has seemingly found his own way. And I do very little to interfere with all of that really. And Rob will also tell me that he gets to decide- what, when and how I will be spanked. So you know, it just is like that. Not always consistent, I know. But for us, sometimes life gets in the way. Or we are tired or whatever it is. I never want this to become a project for him. I have always thought that perhaps more of a natural groove with this whole thing would be interesting. What I do know is that usually if Rob says that he will spank, he is good for it! And while I understand that a great deal of people work toward consistency, and that it is very effective, for us it kind of is what it is. And so far it is working really, really well! ;)
Should Rob have spanked me for the door and the clothing toss and not answering the phone? Umm... Yes probably. It was rude of me. But Rob will not cross a line in his head. It is how it has to be. Rob had a "difficult" childhood. And being on the receiving end of some rather unkind behavior from a mother that was often out of control, I was not even sure that he would spank at all. So in this case, I am lucky for what we have to this point. And I appreciate what he has done for me to here- for us. And, LOL he has turned into a bit of a spanko! Mostly lucky me! ;) That last spanking was one of those "mostly times"!! :(
Another thing that I think about a lot is education. I was the one doing all the reading. We started as Dd. We have evolved into TTWD. And I like to say with a twist of D/s. We have dabbled in that somewhat. What fun!!! I have mentioned to Rob that it might be fun to learn a little more in general about both Dd and D/s. He has some interest. But he also tells me that he can be very creative on his own. LOL he is right! 5,4,3,2,1!!! HA!
Blogger will not let me post my whole response so in two parts... :)
I think that it is wonderful that you and your Mistress Wife have had some really good conversations about consistency and follow through. And that she is there for you, and that the two of you have a wonderful loving dynamic, SHIP! "That deep sense of secure comfort in knowing that Mistress K. was as committed to our relationship as I felt I was, and none of it came from my prompting." That is really beautiful! :) and I agree with you- Rob's and my long and loving friendship and marriage would surely have survived that additional spanking. For him, it was not something that he chose to do at the time. And I respect him for that, and the choice that He made.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for saying hi, your kind words and for posting about it all. I will paste the link to this in reply to your wonderful and honest comment, when I have time to get back on my computer. I have to get myself together and head over to visit my folks. So I hope to get back on tonight. I have a bunch of things to take care of here as well. But I am looking forward to it all. Many hugs to you and your Mistress K, and Happy New Year to you both as well!
<3 Katie
Katie,
ReplyDeleteI am humbled and incredibly honored at the thought and effort that went into your comments, and especially for the kind words. Thank you so much.
Your relationship and the description of the type and amount of love you share with your husband is amazing. Congratulations. Like you, I feel incredibly lucky to be with (and subject to) the love of my life.