Her

I wake up in the middle of the night and with only the glow of the TV that was still on, this is the vision that I see.  Bliss!  Yup, it's really her.

 

Happy Thanksgiving Friends

Happy Thanksgiving !!! 

Gratitude sets you free.

You keep her wine glass full while she is relaxing

Let her win

This picture has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, but it's Nicole Kidman's naked butt, so ... you're welcome

How Submissive Husbands Often Get Portrayed in a WLM

I was reading one of the blogs that I enjoy like to frequent - Evolving Your Man.  It is a site that accurately (IMO) promotes the benefits  of chastity, orgasm control, semen retention, ethical non-monogamy and various other aspects of female led relationships.  I encourage you to go there and read it.  The host of the site site, Emma, created a post in the forum area talking about regrettable and often inaccurate  portrayals of submissive men.  You can read it here. 

And she's right!  There are so many wrong perceptions of what a submissive male is, what he wants and what his experiences are in a FLR/WLM.  Even though there are literally millions of variations of reality among those of us who actually live in a WLM, it still comes with misperceptions of what it is, or is supposed to be based on the perception/label they have attached to it.    

Things like:  all submissive men believe that every woman is superior mere and only because she is a woman.  Well, that's bullshit for many people that live a WLM.  We all know women that are dumb as a bag of hammers and who couldn't find their own ass if they used both hands. Clearly there are exceptions, and for some men that is their kink, but in most real-life WLM's, the husband only feels that way about his wife.  I'm one of those guys.  I love and respect women but don't feel to all women because they are women. Also, submissive men are meek, weak, beta only, worthless and are beaten regularly just because they live in masochistic misery with a sadistic wife/girlfriend.  I could make a list of other ridiculous examples, but you get the idea.

“Labels bias our perceptions, thinking, and behavior. A label or story can either separate us from, or connect us to, nature. For our health and happiness, we must critically evaluate our labels and stories by their effects.”   -   Michael J. Cohen

Femdom is a genre, mostly in the shadows of porn, but a genre nonetheless.  Although "femdom" is often found in the kink play of a WLM, it is not what defines it.  "Femdom" in a seasoned WLM means many different things to different people .... and to each of them it is entirely something they have made their own, and that is a beautiful thing.

They probably started their WLM/FLR unsure of where to start , what to do.  I know we did.  In the beginning it's natural to feel as though there are "rules" out there that you need to follow and that if you don't, you aren't doing it right,  and the Femdom Police might come in and prevent you from participating anymore.  This was the case for Mistress K. and I in the beginning when we were finding our way.  We had the benefit though, of knowing what our goal would be ... which was the age old "Happy Wife, Happy Life" goal.  

When researching Femdom or WLM on the internet, invariably you get sent in the direction of porn.  Even though porn's portrayal of Femdom is understandable, it is hardly recognizable when compared to what a real, loving WLM/FLR looks like.  With that said, where do we find information that is intelligent, relevant, useful and interesting?  We find it in articles, blogs, forums and the like that are NOT centered on providing wank fodder, but rather delve into the real-life aspects of what a loving, beautiful and successful WLM looks like.  Emotionally, physically and in real-life.  Did I mention real-life?

What does real life WLM look like?  It looks like whatever they, the couple, determined by the wife decides it looks like.  It could look like this:

Like Mistress K.  does on occasion, this woman (looks like her too) may very well have directed her husband to assume the temporary role of a Dominant husband, while at no time relinquishing the ultimate dominant role.  After all, Dominant wives enjoy fantasy role play as well.

It could also look like this:

Having her very own human sex toy available to her anytime she wants, even during a party at the neighbors is part of the happy wife, happy life thing.

It can look this:

And of course, can look like this:

Yes, this is a picture from the web but you'll notice that she is not wearing fetish gear.  This is a more accurate portrayal of reality.

I'm one of those people that believes that words matter.  I know, I know, people like me can get unnecessarily frustrated by the misuse of words, but damnit, words matter.  Take the below captioned picture for example.  What could be more alluring, more sexy than a beautiful young woman doing this to you ..... EVERY NIGHT?  Reality does not fit with this porn fueled version of things.  If for no other reason, the amount of work this poor young, beautiful woman would need to do ... EVERY NIGHT is clearly not sustainable.  Does this accurately portray the benefits to the wife in a loving WLM?  Of course not.  It does accurately portray a young, beautiful woman that will feed her man's fetishes instead, which is not what a FLR/WLM is.  It's kink play - roleplay.  I know, I know, unnecessarily making a big deal out of nothing, but it does illustrate what I mean about inaccurate portrayal of submissive men/husbands.   

In reality, the goal of a loving WLM/FLR is to provide a blissful, pampered life for the Wife, wherein the husband gets genuine pleasure from seeing his Wife live a wonderfully beautiful life.  There are so many things that go into a successful WLM marriage, but I can assure you of one thing ... if it means more work for the wife, the ultimate goal cannot be achieved.  

Work?  What do I mean about work?  Everything!  Everything from the dishes and laundry, to opening doors for her, to coffee ritualistically delivered to her in bed every morning, to discipline, to mind blowing orgasms on demand (for her) when and how she decides, to .... everything that legitimately provide Her with a blissful, pampered life.  

There are some really good blogs on the interweb that can help define what a successful WLM can and should look like.  One of the best guides for husbands and Wives in developing and navigating a successful loving WLM (IMO) is Femdom Think Tank.  It is hosted by a lovely woman named Mz Kaylee.  She lives a normal, everyday REAL life and the vast amount of blog entries she has are a good resource for WLM/FLR beginners and veterans alike.  I suggest you start at the beginning and wade your way through.  Her emphasis is on success for both her and her husband, how a beautiful, loving WLM is beautiful for both of them.  She clearly and plainly explains the things (roles and responsibilities) that are necessary for the kind of success that leads to her living a pampered life, while feeding the love and desires of her husband.  Mistress K. particularly like Femdom Think Tank because she can relate to Mz Kaylee and feels that their life matches our own in many regards. 

Another one of my favorites is To Love, Honor & Obey.  This blog is different than some of the other  WLM blogs I follow.  It highlights many kink things that frankly Mistress K. and I have little interest in.  So why do I like the blog?  I like the host ... Mistress Diane J.  She's awesome.  She is intelligent, confident, straightforward, unapologetic, stern, fun, caring, puts up with zero bullshit from bull-shitters, is unabashedly proud of her life and is deeply in love with her sissy, cuckold husband, who is deeply, madly in love with her.  Did I mention intelligent?  Yes, I believe I did.  Humble, strong confidence based in intelligence is the sexiest attribute a person can have.  Intelligent people understand the importance of  returning the love they get.  This recent on her blog (here) exemplifies that in a very simple yet beautiful way.

Being owned by her is not only the best feeling in the world, it's best life for a husband and wife.  

Vanilla's can't possibly understand some of beautiful and genuine things that come from this lifestyle.  I mean really, what vanilla man (or woman for that matter) could possibly understand how a husband needing permission to have one of his infrequent orgasms, would translate into the husband having the best sex life he could imagine?  Nor can they understand how a man could willingly and gladly submit to restrictions, discipline and punishment (in whatever form She decides), and feel like he is a much better man for it.  But it's real, and it's true.

Labels are necessary but are limiting.  Understand that labels have a different perception and and different meaning to each of us individually.  Submissive men are all around you, in every walk of life.  So are their beautiful Dominant wives and girlfriends.  Sweet soccer moms (like Mistress K.), lawyers,  waitresses, doctors, librarians, stay at home moms ... you name it.  They're everywhere and for those that have tapped into the realities and truths of a WLM/FLR, they truly are living their best lives, and so are their husbands.  What they do, how they do it and what they mean to each other is unique and beautiful to them ... and should be celebrated for what they in THEIR own reality, and not ours.  

If you are lucky enough to live in constant bliss of a WLM/FLR, congratulations and continued success on your journey.  For those that wish to someday but are just starting or wish to, don't limit yourselves to labels and misperceptions of what it all means.  Make it yours.  Make it something based in trust, respect, communication and most of all, a deep, deep love for each other.

Post Script:

Shortly after posting this blog, I came across this: 

femaleleduniversity

The Masculine Submissive

Contrary to popular belief of one major taboo, is that a submissive also means he is a cross dresser or a sissy.  While it is true, that submission, tease, denial, and chastity, may make a submissive curious to explore his feminine side, there are a lot of submissive males that want nothing to do with it. There are in fact a lot of submissive men that wish to remain masculine, and take on the masculine role within the relationship.

Similarly, there are plenty of dominant females that get turned off at the idea of a feminized male. So you see, there is room for dominants and submissives of all walks of life. There is no cookie cutter version of how a submissive or a dominant is supposed to behave. It’s all entirely dependent upon who they are as a person, and how they can best compliment their partner.

Masculine submissives can maintain their masculinity, while still submitting to the fullest extent possible. He may also maintain his leadership abilities outside of the relationship, in business, and personal relationships. Submissive men can and do, have the capacity to be great leaders. They can actually draw from their inner submissive desires, as a source of diplomacy and integrity, and also as an act of compassion and understanding. Masculine submissives can use their submissive state of being in ways beyond the D/s dynamic.  

It can in fact, be a source of incredible spiritual strength that gives them the charisma and magnetism needed to attract the required relationships to be successful in business, or friendships. None of these people, would ever guess or even care that they’re submissive to their wives, and will probably wonder how they’re so happy and willing to face whatever problems may arise, without resorting to anger or violence or ill intentions. A masculine submissive can use his submission for the betterment of all.

The reason being, is because submission is one gateway in which a male can diminish his ego, and get in touch with his spiritual nature. This will automatically bring to him, an enhanced intuition, and a deeper connection to himself, which will begin to eradicate his unfavorable qualities, habits, addictions, negative thought patterns, and so on. The more he allows himself to submit, and diminish his ego, the more evident this will be, and he will never have to sacrifice a single shred of his masculinity in the process. It will actually help him balance his masculinity because he will be a male that is expressing and experiencing emotions, without trying to stuff them back in the box, trying to be all macho and unfeeling. He will realize that crying is not weakness, it’s a release of negative feelings and emotions, so that he can be more positive.

Emotions are not the enemy, they are a language, and when that language is understood, a male will truly know what it means to be alive. He will become the master of his masculinity, through submission to her. Now if he was to explore his feminine side, like many submissives crave, he will also begin to understand women, and relate to women in ways he’s always craved, because the mystery of the female will begin to reveal it’s mysteries. For a male, exploring one or both sides of the emotional scale of masculine and feminine through submission, will have massive rewards. 

Mistress Has a New Paddle

It's a pickleball paddle.  This is what pickleball looks like if you didn't already know:

We played recently and not ever having played before, we clearly did not have any equipment.  The place had plastic ones like this for people like us.  Kind of like using the bowling balls at the bowling alley ... not as good as if you were into the sport and had your own.  Aficionados have something more like this, I think:

When I handed one to Mistress she clearly was thinking along the same lines I was.  This would make an excellent spanking paddle.  So after we were done I asked the guy if I could this one.  He giggled and said I could just have it because it costs like $3.  He also said he appreciated being asked because they get stolen a lot ... by regular looking couples just like us.  Hence the giggles.

This is what it does.  (Web pic ... not me).  If I remember, I'll edit this post later to include a picture of my freshly pickle-paddled bottom.

See that white part inside the red part?  Yeah ... that!

Mistress has taken up OTK for punishment spankings again.  Not always but sometimes.  When she does, it's the pickleball paddle.  It's very "thudy" because the paddle is heavier that her leather paddle.  It certainly drives the point home.

 

Sunday Mornings

We have established a new ritual for Sunday mornings.

Over the years, I have wished that Mistress K. was more interested in dabbling in this blog and in my adventures in blogland.  She just doesn't have the time or interest in wadding through tons of blog entries, sexy pictures and conversations with like minded people.  

As you know, we are very discrete in our WLM.  There is only one live person (her (BFF) that even knows about our lifestyle so Mistress K. does not enjoy the same kind of communications with like-minded people that I have been able to over the years.  

When she revealed our lifestyle to her BFF about 5 years ago, it was because she was a bit frustrated over not really having anyone to "talk" to about the lifestyle we had chosen, and very much wanted to confide in a close friend to do it.  She asked for my permission to reveal ourselves which I of course agreed to.  In the beginning they talked about things but over time, the novelty of it all seemed to wear off in their casual conversations and there is very little talk about us with them anymore.

Recently I had asked Mistress K. to give another go at looking at some of the same websites/blogs/forums that I like to frequent, but she still had the same problem of time.  I want badly for her to be able to at least wade into the same pool of communication and exposure to others and their lifestyles.  

So ... we began a Sunday morning ritual where I read to her the blogs, pages and conversations that I have come across that week that I believe will be of interest to her.  In addition, we talk about the people that I have come to know and admire.  We talk about their unique and wonderful lives and about the things I have come to like and enjoy about each of them, and why.  

So, each Sunday morning I wait until Mistress K. wakes up.  She likes to sleep in on Sunday mornings.  Then, of course I get her coffee just like she likes it and then ask her if there is anything I can do to make her morning better for her.  Then, I get out the file folder that contains each of the notes and printed pages of things I will read to her, remove my clothes (she insists that I am naked and wearing our WLM Wedding collar), ask for her permission to get in to her bed and open the file and begin reading.

In addition to the blog pages I read to her and discussion about the individual people that have become my interweb friends, we also review and discuss the things we talked about.  The things we like and may wish to incorporate into our life, and the things we dislike but find interesting.  We will also use the time to review our life together and she will review my behavior and performance as her submissive/slave husband over the past week.  

I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful this time on Sunday morning has become for us.  I have always hoped that Mistress K. can "meet" and develop comradery with some of the wonderful like-minded people I have come to know over the years.  Ultimately, I would especially enjoy for Mistress K. to have a real, live, in the flesh friend that she would be able to confide in, help along the way, talk to, listen to and generally benefit from.  Perhaps we are on the road to that possibility.  I hope so.

Those Eyes

Beauty, sexy beauty can be found in places other than where society tries to dictate.  Here is some eye porn.  I'm not one to often fill a post with gratuitous sexy images, but I'm feeling frisky today.  You're welcome.  Enjoy!

One of the unexpected upsides of the pandemic and the subsequent requirements for masks (please, no political or other bullshit about whether they are necessary or not) is the is how a mask emphasizes the arguably sexiest part of a woman.  Her eyes. The woman above is gorgeous (not just because she looks like Mistress K.), and she's not even trying.  Those eyes!

So many things about this picture make is hot.  Gorgeous!

Everyday sexy beauty is all around us.  Open your eyes.

Unbelievable sexiness comes in forms other than regular porn.  A woman's hair.  Her neck. The shape of her head, and of course her eyes.  Those eyes!

The elegance and grace.

The unsung everyday heroes.

The moms.  

The fashionable.

The disciplined geniuses.

The next door neighbor lady.

And her, again, because fuck, she is gorgeous!

Someone reminded me of something that is absolutely true and important to remember.  "The eyes are the window to the soul".  Beautiful eyes and a beautiful soul make my dick hard!

Happy Veterans Day everyone!

Marked as Owned

What submissive wouldn't be proud to wear a permanent symbol that shows it's devotion to their Dominant?  Hey, it's either a hard limit for the submissive or it isn't, and if it isn't, then I suppose the answer would be "all of them".  That reminds, I should write about limits.  Hard limits, soft limits ... but I digress.

Mistress K. and I like the show Yellowstone.  If you haven't seen it, there are some individuals in the show that get branded.  As you can imagine, there is an enormous significance to who wears the brand, and what it means.  Life or death shit is associated with that branding.

While watching, Mistress K. jokingly (I think) said that she might have me branded.  Her cute, mischievous smile told me right away that she was only joking.  She is too sweet of a person to ever put me (or anyone else for that matter) through the terrible pain something that would cause.  She is, right?  Yeah, I'm sure of it ... or am I?  Yeah, I'm sure of it.

Mistress K. and I have talked in the past of something that might be more suitable.  A tattoo.  Of course there are several ways that tattoos could be used as a symbol of a submissive's devotion.  Here's one a came across just yesterday that I thought was pretty cool.  It's from a coupe that I "met" yesterday on Tumblr.  

In general, I am not for tattoos.  Just not my thing.  I've never really been moved enough to want to permanently mark my body that way.  But, I've already told Mistress K. that I would gladly get a small tattoo in a very inconspicuous place on my body that nobody would ever see (unless of course she decided that someone should see it), as as symbol of our love and lifestyle.

In the past we talked a small, simple but elegant letter "K" being tattooed right above my penis, sort of like the one above.  A better, prettier "K" than the one above, but you get the idea. 

Watching the show Yellowstone has renewed discussions about it.  Given my negative feelings about tattoos, would I do this?  Well, it's not a hard (or soft) limit, so yes.  I would be honored to be branded, errr, tattooed by Mistress K. this way.

Parking Your Husband

Like the picture above?  Hopefully not.  Probably more like this:

This is an interesting idea.  Parking your husband.  This is from a wonderful blog I follow, Femdom Think Tank, written by a lovely Dominant Wife named Mz Kaylee, in a real-life Wide Led Marriage.  If you don't already follow it, I suggest you give it a peak.  

You know how needy submissive husbands can get and sometimes and sometimes a Mistress Wife just needs a break.  

A True Gentleman

 

“A true gentleman is one that apologizes anyways, even though he has not offended a lady intentionally. He is in a class all of his own because he knows the value of a woman's heart.”

-  Shannon L. Alder

When to Punish?

There are some that believe that punishment isn't, or shouldn't be necessary in a Wife Led Marriage.  I am very much a "to each his/her own" person when it comes to whatever others believe for themselves and am therefore supportive of them.

In my marriage, punishment is necessary and essential.  It provides guidance.  It provides and opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move forward without lasting regret or shame for disappointing Mistress K.  I love it because she loves me enough to do it. I hate it when it is happening because it hurts, but I love it way more than not.  But it is necessary nonetheless.  Punishment in my house is not a sexual event.  It is punishment, and it has a purpose.  A very important purpose. As such, she never dresses or behaves sexy or allows there to be any misunderstanding as to the purpose of the punishment I am about to receive.

Yesterday I was punished for two recent infractions.  To some they seem like small infractions but in the context of my marriage, not so much.  One was because I failed to ask permission at the end of the day to remove the butt plug I was instructed to wear for the entire day.  She would've absolutely said yes.  She always does.  But I am required to ask ... and I didn't.  It was disrespectful.

The other infraction was because she had asked me to dispose of the roses that I got for her on our anniversary because they were finally dead and the water was gross ... and I forgot.  I was soundly punished for both infractions with her leather paddle.  

During our Anniversary celebration last 10 days or so ago, Mistress introduced introduced corner time as an additional form of punishment.  Corner time comes in handy when punishment needs to be swift but she doesn't want to have to explain the reason for swatting sounds coming from the other room. 

 

When to punish?  Whenever Mistress believes it is necessary, that's when.